When Immortal Ascension Fails Time Travel to Try Again

I held up a hand, and the audience quieted down.

“My students are about to rock your world. But to do that, they’re going to need your help.” I scanned the eyes of everyone in the crowd. Some were skeptical, others curious. Most were just angry.

“They need you to open your mind to possibilities you never considered. If you do, you may find yourself discovering treasure that will comfort your soul.” I grinned. “Of course, you could also choose to be a fool who lets anger blind them to reality. I dare you all to not be a fool.” With that said, I threw up the devil horns hand sign and hopped off the stage.

Pearlescent Rose nodded to me, then gestured to my two students. “Introducing to you all for the first time, the band, Toxic Puppets.”

When I taught them these healing songs, I had several set variations in mind. Unfortunately, the anger of this crowd forced them to play it in a certain order where they’d have to start with one of the most universal healing songs I’d ever encountered. Even the sect elders grudgingly accepted it and secretly adapted it for the zither. It was heavily inspired by The Beatles’ Let It Be and was called Acceptance by an adorable student of mine, Three Sheets to the Wind.

Wait, no. It was Intoxicated Wind. That was it.

Shadow Panther sang beautifully, though her expression showed the same stiffness as those face-slapping head statues from my actual sect. Considering she not only had to get the lyrics right, but simultaneously play the guitar and bass using her two human-shaped puppets, I expected this.

“What an incredible feat for a puppeteer at her realm!” someone nearby whispered to another.

“But she’s only controlling regular human-shaped puppets. If she isn’t adept with our beast bone puppets, can she even be considered for advancement in the sect?”

“You fool! Those are obviously made from beast bones. The fact that she forged them into this form shows that she’s an unprecedented tool smith.”

Ah, it was good to see my students get acknowledged… It was just the wrong timing. What about the fucking song?!

A few people behind the gossipers threw melon seeds at them.

“Ow!”

“Quit it! We’ll stop talking!”

Three Drops Silent Toxin, while he didn’t have it as hard as Shadow Panther, still proved that drums were often the backbone of any rock ballad. He pulled the tempo forward with his drumming. For someone who had learned this instrument just a few weeks ago, his playing was perfect, though stiff.

There was a reason I decided to switch their first song to Acceptance — it was easy and repetitive, so it gave them a chance to relax into performing in front of a crowd.

Slowly, their faces became more natural-looking. They even started to get into playing and make it fun for themselves and others. Three Drops performed a trick with his sticks and Shadow Panther had her puppets walk around some, giving their performance something more to look at. As they relaxed, even their music sounded better.

Unfortunately, aside from those two puppeteers, the audience seemed to have closed their hearts. They remained silent as if they were ready to show that I was wrong.

Fucking idiots. They would never discover good music if they didn’t allow themselves to think beyond their prejudices.

At least I thought they would keep being dumb assholes. But my students proved that they could do the impossible. With every song they played, they improved. It was like something unlocked within their minds. I knew what it was: a rebellious spirit. The same one that everyone in the Unorthodox sects had.

Rock music called to them. Because rock was all about rebelling. Wasn’t that why a certain censorship-happy country had banned it at one point?

By the time they reached their last song, most of the cultivators watching were absorbed in the music.

I had hoped this would happen. That was why I had them soften the crowd up for their final attack: a healing song inspired by Boulevard of Broken Dreams by Green Day called Lonely Path.

It took a minute, but the people in the crowd swayed back and forth.

I grinned.

How could cultivators resist a song about walking down their path to immortality all alone? That was what each of us did. This song was the embodiment of cultivation. Anyone who defied the heavens and reached for their Dao would see that.

It also expressed the loneliness we all had. It even hinted at that ephemeral wish everyone experienced — a want to find that one Dao Companion who would walk our road of cultivation together.

Basically, everyone here could relate to it. That was why everyone fuckin’ loved this song.

Once they played the last notes, the crowd cheered. Someone called for an encore.

Pearlescent Rose had to get on stage to calm down.

“Never have I seen Qi Condensation demonic musicians play so incredibly. Every band here should be proud of your performances today.”

She gestured for my students to leave. With a wave of their hands, their instruments were packed up. The two jumped off the stage and landed in their seats next to me.

“Teacher Linlin, did we do okay?” Shadow Panther asked. She bit her lip, nervously.

Three Drops leaned forward and swallowed.

Now I had to decide if I would be a harsh teacher or an easy-going one to these two.

I crossed my arms and frowned. “You both—”

“The judges have finished their deliberation!” Pearlescent Rose said.

Couldn’t she have waited? Or, more importantly, just how fast were these judges?!

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“In third place is the lovely Fairy Wind Blown Melody and Friends.”

The band came up and picked up a red envelope, before bowing to her, the judges, and the crowd.

Rose paused for a moment, then glanced at the judges, who nodded.

“In second place, is Toxic Puppets! Congratulations!”

They both looked horrified and elated. As if in a daze, they walked up and collected their prize. Rose squeezed each of their shoulders and whispered something to them. They bowed to the judges and the crowd before returning.

“And this is no surprise, but the winner is Three Immortals.”

The team that went on before my students came up and gave an acceptance speech but I didn’t care about them.

Shadow Panther’s eyes started to water. She brought out a handkerchief and roughly wiped her face.

“I’m sorry, teacher Linlin. We tried our best but...”

Three Drops rested his hand against her back. “We just weren’t good enough.”

“And we won’t have another chance.”

“This is... We’re ashamed.”

Yeah, fuck that. “Not good enough?!”

They jumped.

“How dare you call that performance not good enough? Do you know what I saw when you went up there?”

They shook their heads. “I saw two adorable disciples — one of you who hadn’t even picked up an instrument just a month before — play their hearts out and perform perfectly to half the sect. How brave and incredible you both are is not in question.”

Shadow Panther’s lip trembled.

“I am proud to be your teacher.”

“Teacher Linlin!”

“You both rocked!”

They crawled over their seats to wrap their arms around me.

I briefly stiffened. Well, even older kids needed hugs.

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I patted their heads... then I couldn’t help it and used my cleaning technique.

Poor Shadow Panther winced. They quickly straightened up, cleared their throats awkwardly, and sat back down.

For some reason, Little Spring had slapped his hand over his forehead and eyes. I had a feeling that brat was going to get more incomprehensible once he got older.

I ignored him and focused on my students.

“If you’d both been at the peak of Qi Condensation, I guarantee that you would have won. So, in the coming weeks, I want you to cultivate and practice your rock songs until your fingers ache.”

“Yes, Teacher!”

“But, for today—”

“Do we have the rest of the festival off?” Silent Toxin asked, gaze filled with hope.

“At least until your performance?” Shadow Panther clarified.

“No, because Senior Verdant Spring and I need your help.” I used the telepathic technique to share the image I’d memorized of Scroll Guy’s face.

Their eyes practically bulged.

“Did sister Linlin just—”

Shadow Panther jabbed her elbow into Three Drop’s side. “What is this?”

“We’re trying to find this person but not approach him. Help us look for him.”

They both nodded. Their eyes blazed with determination.

***

We split up, each combing through one-quarter of the convention.

I briefly considered going to Noxious for help, but the last thing I needed was him suspecting me of being a spy. That man could slap me dead easily and then work on the cure himself. However, he would never find it quickly without me.

Unfortunately, despite us looking everywhere, including outside of the festival grounds and in the main city, we found no traces of the guy.

The sky began to darken, and it was time for the Foundation Establishment Battle of the Bands to begin.

Of course, I had to be there at the start since this was essentially my band vs Little Teasing Mouse’s followers, but the others could keep going.

I sat in my reserved seat, leaving all three of my students to continue searching. Hopefully, my junior martial brother could use some of his protagonist’s luck and find the slippery asshole.

Gold String Delicate Touch and Azure Melodic River threw themselves into the seats beside me. When Dread Lotus appeared, everyone in the crowd grew silent for a second before erupting into chaos.

“Is... is that the Dread Lotus?”

“I can’t believe we’ll get to see her in person.”

“But she’s never performed with others before. Only as a solo act.”

“What about her health? How dare Fairy Linlin drag our sect’s sickly princess into this nonsense?”

Dread Lotus scowled at the guy.

His eyes widened, and he pulled his head in like a turtle.

She winked at me and smiled proudly. I could tell that she was incredibly ecstatic to be healthy, and I was happy for her.

After saying hello to a few people she recognized, she elegantly sat down next to Azure.

The smug expression on her face made me realize that she was popular, and she knew it. Unfortunately, her popularity couldn’t combat that rat girl’s black-hole-halo.

Pearlescent Rose Walked on stage. “For those who weren’t here this morning, we’re holding our first Battle of the Bands today. This new event is filled with our demonic musician’s competitive spirit. Specifically, there is a little bet.” She brought out the bag from earlier. “Some of you already have your own wagers and know the stakes.” Her lips twisted into a wry smile.

The audience chuckled.

“For those of you who don’t know — if one of the other six Foundation Establishment bands receives first place, these sky rank defensive tools,” with a wave of her hand a dozen tools that ranged from necklaces to pendants flew into the air and spun enticingly, “will go back to their owners and Little Teasing Mouse will own Fairy Linlin’s beautiful hairpin. But if Linlin’s band, Thunder and Lotus, wins, then all these will go to her.”

I wanted to give Dread Lotus a thumbs up. I had been too busy to name our band, so I left her with the job. She’d chosen one badass name. It referenced my fake Daoist name and her real one.

There were a lot of angry shouts and a few ‘fuck your sisters’ being yelled at me. But if they knew me, then they would know that I didn’t have a sister… Or did I? Technically, my body’s parents were still young. They could have given me a sister or two in the time I’d been gone. Whatever. That wasn’t important.

“The first band to play healing music is...” Someone handed her a stack of jade slips and she read the top one. “Big Red Packet if You Let Us Win.” Pearlescent Rose paused as if she couldn’t believe their audacity. Then threw it to the ground, causing it to shatter. “Disqualified.”

After listening to 4 of our 5 remaining opponents, I was positive we’d have this in the bag... as long as nothing came along to fuck this up. The worst-case scenario would be, the exchange happening right as I begin playing. I’d have to drop everything and we’d definitely lose.

“We have one band left before we hear from the infamous Thunder and Lotus,” Pearlescent Rose said. “Are you ready to Rock... and sway to the healing tones of Whispering Brook?”

This was the band with Azure’s ex-girlfriend in it. She sent our keyboardist a snooty glare before she flew onstage.

The crowd cheered.

Dread Lotus placed her hand on top of Azure’s clenched fist. Her shoulders visibly relaxed.

Other than Brilliant Song Bird, who held a pipa, the band consisted of a zither player, and a massive guy who brought out a drum.

A green parrot flew onto Brilliant’s shoulder and cawed once before they started playing.

The drumming guy really got into playing, but the other two somehow managed to sound like a soft, healing brook. Their healing energy crept up on me and I gritted my teeth.

It looked like we had some competition.

Shadow Panther came running over. “Teacher Linlin,” she whispered. “We haven’t found anything.”

“Then we’re fucked.” If we couldn’t find the guy, and the exchange took place without us, that would leave the demonic sect with a terrible fucking weapon.

Everyone kept saying that the box couldn’t be opened by anyone except a clan who had already died, but that was probably bullshit. A good enough smith could break into anything given enough time. Of course, it might also destroy whatever was inside.

After considering it for a while, I figured out that the demonic sect wouldn’t have asked for the scroll if they didn’t have a way to open it. That meant that this sect was just giving those assholes a weapon of mass destruction that could be used against them. And this was all thanks to that fucking idiotic Junior Sect Leader.

Shadow Panther bit her lip. “Ah, also, I haven’t heard from Brother Three Drops Silent Toxin. Have you seen him?”

“No. Let me try to contact him.”

I sent a secret sound transmission to him. There was no reply.

Wait, did he even know how to reply? Fuck. He was a Poison Body cultivator, and he’d only just started learning demonic music cultivation. He wouldn’t have enough internal energy to send a message yet.

I sent another message asking him to return.

“What’s wrong?” Dread Lotus asked.

“My other student hasn’t returned.”

“I’ll send someone to look for him.” Dread Lotus waved her hand and several people in the crowd vanished.

“...” Just how many shadow guards did she have? She really was the sect’s little princess.

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