Vaudevillain

It took less than a minute to take the statues down now that everyone was familiar with them. Once empty, the room opened the door to reveal another stairway leading downward. Sighing, the group continued. This time the floor had a trap hallway, a statue room, a trap hallway, and then a statue room.

“This is the most generic sh*t,” Sweet Dream said after they cleaned out the final room. “Is the plan to bore us to death?”

“Locations are always hit or miss,” Oro said. “Sometimes you get something great, like Mutatholis. Sometimes its underwhelming.”

“And sometimes its whelming?” Jack finished.

“At least it seems we’re through the worst,” Dylan said. “I think this last door leads to a boss room.”

The others looked at the entryway before them. Unlike the other stone doors, flowering patterns were carved across the face. Each flower held a figure between the petals, representations of what seemed to be various gods. After a moment, the door crumbled open, revealing a set of carved stairs.

“Time to get back into character,” Dylan said.

“Rough should lead the way,” Sweet Dream said. “Your new armor should reflect any magic they send at us.”

“Getting real tired of being the frontline,” Rough said. “I hired you all, remember?”

“Dude, who needs tactics,” Riptide said. “We’re so much stronger than everything here.”

“Indeed,” Dr. Zlo said. “In fact, I predict we shall finish this within the hour. Rough shall have his new metal and we can all get paid.”

“I’ll take that bet,” Pan-Pan said. “How does this job’s payment sound?”

Dr. Zlo sniffed. “And risk you stalling the fight for more money? Please, try and come up with a better plan next time.”

Pan-Pan smirked. “Perceptive. Perhaps you’ll be in need of someone with my skills after this?”

“I’ll think about it,” Dr. Zlo said, striding forward.

Sweet Dream transformed as she took point, chocolate trailing behind her. Dr. Zlo made a face, activating his rocket boots while Rough and Pan-Pan moved to the side.

The group emerged from the hallway to a octagonal room, the walls carved with various gods. In the center stood the two ancients, the two channeling something into a square of metal hovering above.

“That must be the Loqium,” Dr. Zlo said. “Well, this should be easy.”

“That’s where you’re wrong, interlopers,” the old man said.

“We have communed with our gods and they find you wanting,” the old woman said.

“For that, you shall die,” the old man finished.

The two turned as one, magic crackling in their hands. The old man took to the air while the woman stepped forward. Both made a pulling motion, and suddenly the walls in the room spun. Dr. Zlo tried shooting them, but found his laser absorbed by a shimmering forcefield. All they could do was watch as the walls spun.

Eventually, the walls finished, stopping on an image of a centaur. Suddenly, there was a flash from the metal in the room. Dr. Zlo turned, momentarily blinded. When he could see again, the villains found themselves facing down a translucent image of a centaur, the old man and woman floating inside.

The creature reared, legs stomping down. Rocks sprang from the floor, moving to hover in a circle around the monster’s torso.

“Dude, that’s awesome!” Riptide said.

“Not the time, Rip,” Sweet Dream grumbled.

Dr. Zlo took to the skies, flying up to match heights with the centaur’s head. “Do you truly think we’ll be intimidated by your simplistic rituals? I am Dr. Zlo! The greatest criminal mastermind! I built a death ray and ransomed the moon! Your feeble magics can’t even compare!”

The villain fired his laser, attempting to strike at the old man inside the monster. The two ancients made a grasping motion and one of the floating rocks moved to intercept the laser. Then, the monster stomped, sending a boulder straight at Dr. Zlo. The villain rocketed out of the way, tracing patterns for his cane as he did so.

Pan-Pan charged low, reaching out to grab the centaur’s hoof. Rough followed behind, ready to test the new material on his body. Riptide followed Dr. Zlo, firing his laser while surfing around for a better angle. Sweet Dream stayed back, transforming and watching things play out.

Pan-Pan took hold of the hoof, pulling herself up the centaur’s leg in effortless motion. Rough attempted to the same, only for the centaur’s form to bend around the man’s body. Frustrated, Rough tried again. Seeing this, Sweet Dream started to formulate an idea.

“Rough, get over here,” she said. “Rip, you too!”

Rough looked put out.

“I have an idea,” Sweet Dream said.

The two villains made their way back to Sweet Dream, who explained the plan.

“Dude, I love it,” Riptide said.

“Just make sure you aim it right,” Sweet Dream said. “I’ll make sure to distract them.”

Riptide saluted, watching as his girlfriend ran forward to meet the ancients in battle. Riptide helped pull Rough onto his board. While this went on, Pan-Pan continued to climb the centaur like a trained mountain climber. Once she reached the monster’s back she pulled out the stored arrows, thrusting them toward the two inside.

It was like piercing gelatin. The arrows entered with a shlorp, the sound making Pan-Pan grimace. The act, however, grabbed the attention of the two inside. Both moved, sending rocks scraping across the centaur’s back. Pan-Pan was forced to leap off.

“I don’t know how we’re going to pierce the outer shell,” she said.

“Not to worry!” Dr. Zlo shouted. “Nothing can stand up against my genius!”

The villain blasted the centaur with his disintegration spell. The ancients moved more boulders, letting them absorb the damage while sending them to Dr. Zlo. The attacked forced the villain to move, making him drop the spell in the process.

“Blast!” Dr. Zlo cursed.

“Zlo, get a stasis ready!” Sweet Dream shouted. “I have a plan.”

Dr. Zlo Narrowed his eyes. “If you think your plan—“

“Do it or I swear I will egg your mansion!” Sweet Dream retorted. “With chocolate eggs!”

Dr. Zlo shuddered. “The Jacques would never stop trying to eat the house. Very well!” He started tracing the pattern with his cane.

“Pan-Pan, we need to keep its attention on us,” Sweet Dream said. “Make it use up all the boulders.”

The woman nodded. She took more arrows out of her inventory, throwing them at the two ancients inside with perfect precision. Sweet Dream threw globs of chocolate as well, attempting to split the two’s attention.

Sure enough, the two focused on the villainesses, throwing rock after rock their way. Sweet Dream laughed, engulfing the attacks coming her way while Pan-Pan dodged with pristine grace.

“Kick the boulders to me,” Sweet Dream told her counterpart.

“Understood,” Pan-Pan said.

Sweet Dream absorbed each shot, growing in size as he chocolate enveloped the boulders inside. Soon, she had collected almost all the boulders. This caused the centaur to stomp.

“Now, Zlo!” Sweet Dream shouted.

“I want you to know I’m only following this plan because its something I also thought of!” Dr. Zlo shouted as he fired the stasis spell.

Before the centaur could stomp, and thus create more boulders, the stasis spell struck. The monster froze in place, the perfect target for the newest weapon in Riptide’s arsenal.

“This is surf leader, dudes,” Riptide said. “I’m beginning my attack run!”

The villain surfed down from high in the sky, Rough holding on behind. Once close enough, Riptide spun and kicked back, knocking Rough off the board.

“It’s away!” Riptide shouted.

Rough shouted a curse at Riptide before focusing on his fall. He steadied himself as best he could, spreading his arms wide to become a larger target. The centaur’s body flowed around Rough as he struck, the magical construct refusing to stick to the villain’s spell reflective body. He shot through the centaur like a bullet, striking the old man as he fell.

His attack pulled the man straight out of the centaur, which in turn shattered the magical construct. The other ancient fell to the ground, Pan-Pan throwing arrows as she landed. Three struck the old woman in quick succession, depleting her health bar completely. At the same time, Rough landed on top of his enemy, breaking both the ground and the old man. The ancients shouted in painful defeat and light started to pierce through their skin. The villains backed away as the light escaped the two ancients, eventually leaving nothing left but two skeletons that clattered to the ground before vanishing.

“Well, that was needlessly dramatic,” Dr. Zlo said as their enemies vanished. “However, I will give them points for the fancy exit.”

“Keep focused,” Sweet Dream said. “There could be more.”

“Then I suggest we use this lull in the fight to snag our prize,” Dr. Zlo said, pointing at the tablet of Loqium.

“I agree,” Rough said. The villain jogged over to the floating metal. He reached out, laughing as his body reflected the barrier away. In moments it was over, and Rough had the material he came for.

“That went well,” Pan-Pan said.

“Dudes, that was awesome!” Riptide laughed. “I turned Rough into a missile!”

“Don’t think I’ll forget you kicked me,” Rough said. “Now, let’s see what this will do.”

The villain took a bite out of the Loqium, chewing it thoroughly.

“Well?” Sweet Dream asked after some time.

“It’s psychic powers,” Rough said slowly. “Eating this gives me psychic powers.”

“Like telekinesis?” Sweet Dream asked.

Rough nodded. “I can only lift up to ten times the amount I eat, but that’s still impressive.”

“Anything on how fast you can move objects?” Jack asked.

Rough shook his head.

“Well, I know what we’re figuring out next,” the woman replied.

“Later,” Dylan said. “Looks like a new day is about to start. Apparently slogging through that pyramid took more time than I expected.”

“Yeah, god that was a lazy dungeon,” Sweet Dream said.

“I’ll be good for more gaming tomorrow,” Dylan said. “But right now I’m going to get ready for work.”

“Cool, see ya dude,” Riptide said.

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