Vaudevillain

As Cass walks out of the bank, the Jacques around him push the door back to center stage, splitting the set between Dr. Zlo and Cass. The butler, unsure of what to do, wanders around for a moment mumbling.

Cass

Oh, what should I do?

The Jacques behind him look between each other, then one pulls out a lightbulb from behind his back and places it over Cass’s head. The spotlight focuses on it, lighting it up.

Cass

I know!

The butler steps to the right of the stage and reaches into his pockets. He pulls out a wine bottle and a lighter.

Cass

Muttering. Boss said to get everyone’s attention. Hello everyone! Can I have your attention please!

Cass

My name is Cass, and I am here today to perform for your benefit!

As Cass starts talking, Dr. Zlo and his crew start to hold up the tellers inside the bank. None of them make any sound, as the focus is on Cass, but the pantomiming is easy to make out. The bank tellers shakily hand over their money.

Cass

I shall perform for you today a grand spectacle! With this—Cass holds up the bottle of wine—bottle of vintage vodka, I shall entice you with feats never seen!

Once Cass finishes, the spotlight turns to the bank, where a teller has pressed a large glowing button that was definitely not there before.

The spotlight turns back to Cass, who takes a swig of the vodka. He then takes the lighter, ignites it in front of his mouth, and spits. A gout of flame bursts forth, shocking the crowd of Jacques. (If one doesn’t want to endanger the actors and possibly burn the set, a Jacques can whip out some fire-colored ribbons when Cass spits.)

The spectacle entices the crowd and they form a half-circle behind Cass. (That way the audience can see what’s happening.) Cass continues to breathe fire, the Jacques clapping. A low tune, barely audible, starts to play.

The spotlight changes back to Dr. Zlo, who is now standing with Sweet Dream in front of a large safe. He pulls out his invention, the card dropping from the ceiling overhead to remind the audience.

A nefarious invention designed by the devious Dr. Zlo that turns solid money into liquid cash and back again using Sweet Dream's chocolatey prowess! With this weapon, no bank is safe!

Water Gun (1)

Copper Tubing (2 pipes)

Gallium (2g)

Sweet Dream's Chocolate (10g)

Oobleck (2g)

Sciencium (5g)

Dr. Zlo

Now, let’s see how well steel holds up against my genius!

The villain blasts the safe, striking it with sea-blue energy. The safe starts to glow with the same color, but quickly fizzles out. (For those without the budget, Dr. Zlo can spray the safe with a squirt gun.)

Sweet Dream

Nothing happened.

Dr. Zlo

Obviously upset. I know that!

Eville

Perhaps you have it on the wrong setting?

Dr. Zlo

Don’t be ridiculous. There’s only two settings: turn solid money into liquid cash and turn liquid cash into solid money.

Sweet Dream slaps her forehead.

Sweet Dream

Did it maybe not occur to you that a safe wasn’t made of money?

Dr. Zlo blinks. Eville Blinks. Sweet Dream sighs.

Sweet Dream

Of course I gotta do the heavy lifting.

Sweet Dream transforms, her body growing three sizes and dripping molten chocolate. Now monstrous, Sweet Dream wastes no time prying the safe doors free of their hinges. (For those of you who can’t afford super powers, the Jacques can come out with a cardboard cutout of a monster Sweet Dream. Bonus points if the cutout isn’t even a chocolate monster.)

Dr. ZLo

There’s no need to be rude.

Sweet Dream

Transforming back. You just hope that this heist pans out or we won’t be working together for a bit. I gotta repuation to uphold as a successful crime boss.

Dr. Zlo

I don’t like your tone.

Eville

Guys, I don’t think we have time for banter. Cass is almost done with his distraction.

Eville points out the doors to Cass, who is running low on alcohol, and possibly a tad tipsy. He’s swaying in place while hiccupping every few seconds. Each hiccup releases a breath of alcohol that ignites from the lighter. The crowd of disguised Jacques are obviously enjoying the show, pantomiming laughter and slapping each other’s knees.

Dr. Zlo

Then, stand back and witness the might of my greatest invention!

Dr. Zlo blasts the open safe with his gun (or squirts it with water). Moments later a green, gold, and silver river starts to flow out of the safe toward the door. Eville wastes no time activating her power, turning the flowing cash into intangible assets. (those burdened with debt should use something like colored streamers for the water and balloons for the gas.)

Dr. Zlo

Muahaha! None can match my genius! Now, off we go!

Dr. Zlo steps through the bank doors, various Jacques pushing it off stage. The city backdrop reappears as Dr. Zlo marches over to Cass.

Dr. Zlo

Excellent distraction, Cass! It’s time to go!

Cass

One—Hic—second bossh. I jush gotta do the grand finale.

Before Dr. Zlo can stop him, Cass chugs the rest of the bottle and unleashes it on the crowd. The Jacques scream as fire (or red streamers) land on their disguises.

Cass

There! A perfect dish-track-shon.

Sweet Dream groans again.

Sweet Dream

Once, just once, I want something to go right.

Eville

Don’t worry, we can still make our escape. Cass caused enough of a panic no one will notice us!

Suddenly, the low tune that had played the entire time earlier starts to pick up. Citizens that aren’t Jacques in disguise step forward.

Citizens

Oh, the humanity. The horror!

Such wicked villains we see!

If only we had a protector!

A hero to beat these three!

A marching theme starts to play and the citizens all fall into step.

Citizens

Yes, we need someone

To call a hero over here!

We need someone

To come and kick these villains’ rear!

For we are lowly citizens

And can only act as witnesses.

None of us can beat the villains here.

We’re weak

We’re slow

We can’t fight, you know!

So someone call a hero over here!

Dr. Zlo whirls around, obviously distressed as the music plays.

Dr. Zlo

Argh! Where is that music coming from! I know I destroyed that invention!

Eville

No time Dr. Zlo! We have to go!

Dr. Zlo

Not until I get satisfaction!

The citizens return to their song, pointing off stage at something in the distance.

Citizens

Look! Up in the sky!

Is it a bird?

No, it’s a plane!

You’re both wrong, it’s…

A man flies in (on wires if you have to) from off stage, landing in a heroic pose between Dr. Zlo and the citizens.

Sweet Dream

Oh, please, don’t tell me it’s—

Sweet Dream gets cut off as the citizens introduce the hero.

Citizens

Wonderman, he’s here to save the day!

It’s Wonderman! All the people shout, Hurray!

It’s Wonderman!

Wonderman

I’m Wonderman!

Citizens

It’s Woooondeeeerman!

Dr. Zlo, Eville, and Sweet Dream stand still as Wonderman looks at the audience and flashes a pearly white smile. The music continues to play, Wonderman using the time to pose and flex. Eventually, he starts to talk.

Wonderman

Fear not citizens, I’m here!

Those evildoers will quake, in fear!

I’ve come to deal with, your plight!

And no evil will escape, my sight!

Dr. Zlo

Ah, Wonderman, to what do I owe the pleasure?

Wonderman

Save it, villain! I’m not here for your leisure.

You see the citizens called to me

And as a hero I must decree

You won’t harm a hair on their heads.

I’ll make an example of

Your little band of

Misfits. Sweet Dream gasps. Thieves. Eville gasps. And cads! Dr. Zlo growls and fires a laser.

Wonderman swats it aside with his hand and turns back to the audience.

Wonderman

Because I’m Wonderman!

Citizens

He’s Wonderman!

Wonderman

I’m Woooondeeeeerman!

The marching tune finishes up as Wonderman speaks once more.

Wonderman

And I’m here to save the day!

Visit and read more novel to help us update chapter quickly. Thank you so much!