Vaudevillain

John frowned at the answer he received from Dr. Zlo's so-called agent. He'd watched the NPC interact with all of Dr. Zlo's fans and figured he would be the best way to get inside Dr. Zlo's base. But it seemed Dylan was smarter than John thought.

The man made a face. The NPC's lack of knowledge would make things harder for the player. But not impossible. John had already identified most of Dylan's weak points.

Dylan always made too many lackadaisical decisions, and John knew it would come back to bite the man. Yes, Dr. Zlo's base had decent security, but it couldn't hold up to a concentrated assault. John knew it was because Dylan trusted the people in Skyline, but that was no reason to leave a weak point open. There was always a chance others would invade the city.

Of course, John had made sure to learn about Skyline's defenses as well, marking the locations of drones and turrets by tricking people into a few fights. Most were resolved by intervening players, but a few allowed John to see Skyline at work.

When players got too rowdy, the various NPCs in the world would converge, surrounding the site and locking it down. From there, hidden gun towers inside streets, lamplights, and other public utilities emerged, pointing at the players acting up. Finally, a team of drones would appear to calm everything down.

Overall, it seemed like a sound system, and John had ideas to use it. It was why he was working his way up Menagerie's ladder, so to speak. Mostly, it meant joining the crafting hub and trying to get involved with the city's defenses. John knew from years of IT experience that people were the weakest link to security.

He was far enough up the system now that John felt confident in making a plan. First, he needed to separate Dylan from his tech, then beat the player until he had nothing left. Dylan would have to start over from scratch, with nothing to his name. No minions, no base, nothing.

And then Dylan would see that he needed to try harder if he wanted to get in with Vert. After all, what other reason was there to play this game? The combat was ludicrously imbalanced, the reputation system granted nothing but bragging rights, and players left and right could ruin your experience at the drop of a hat. No, John was sure the only reason anyone stuck around in this game was to get the Vert sponsorship. After all, it was the whole reason he stuck around.

Of course, John would never understand the mindset of someone like Dylan. The man had spent too many years assuming he could never be wrong, and it colored his everyday life. That, combined with John's desperate need to get involved in games, made for an unhealthy combination. It was why his streaming attempts never worked out and why he couldn't progress past a certain point in competitive games. Only a few people wanted to watch someone complain during every stream. Even less wanted to watch someone who wasn't a professional do it.

The idea to perform a bit of introspection never crossed John's mind, and because of his attitude, the man had lost most of his friends along the way. Dylan had been the last one to stick around, and now even he left John alone. But still, the man refused to admit a mistake. He assumed all he would need to do is prove to Dylan how right he was, completely missing the reason Dylan broke off their friendship.

"Get ready, everyone!" Dr. Zlo shouted to his minions. "We're about to go commit a crime!"

Faraday had gotten back to Dr. Zlo a few minutes after the mouse left, giving Dr. Zlo enough time to introduce his new minion types to the Jacques. Eggehead immediately commanded respect from its unupgraded brethren while Lug became a human–er robot–jungle gym. Dr. Zlo let the minions play around for a moment before pulling back their attention with a quick rap of his cane.

"Faraday has found us the perfect spot for me to collect some new materials, as well as test out my newest creations. We shall assault the World Health Laboratory's Headquarters in Necropolis! Once there, we shall steal their virus strain for the common cold to use for nefarious purposes!"

Dr. Zlo pointed his cane at his butler, "Cass! Get Egghead to round up a group of Jacques."

"You got it, boss," Cass saluted. The butler turned to give Egghead Jacques his orders, but the minion had already started rounding up its soldiers. Jacques spilled out from various rooms as Egghead brought its fingers to its nonexistent mouth. Cass shrugged and started preparing a drink for his leader.

Dr. Zlo turned to his other lieutenant, "Mabel! I want you to oversee Lug, as I'm sure you're eager to do it!"

"Hon, you know me so well," Mabel answered. She sidled up to Lug, grabbing the minion's gigantic arm. "You and me are going to get along mighty fine."

Lug nodded. Mabel patted the minion's arm, leading it out of the way so that its bulky body didn't take up the room.

Orders given, Dr. Zlo turned back to his laboratory. "Now! Let us depart!"

The villain made to march down the stairs, only for Brunhilde to stop him at the last moment.

"Herr Zlo!" the minion called. "You zurely don't zhink all your Jacquez vill vit inzide your Zlomobile, no?"

Dr. Zlo paused, then whirled around to face the maid. "Ah, yes. I see your point. It would be a bit of a pickle to fit everyone into the back seat."

"Und, you are not a clown car," Brunhilde continued.

Dr. Zlo pointed his cane at her, "Quite right! Cass! Mabel! Keep everyone occupied while I invent some extra transportation methods."

Cass and Mabel nodded obediently as Dr. Zlo descended back into his laboratory. Dylan couldn't believe he'd forgotten to add some minion transportation to his new vehicle. Otherwise, how would Dr. Zlo bring enough minions with him? It certainly wasn't a good idea to give the Jacques directions and hope for the best. Dylan could only imagine what chaos his minions would cause.

Perhaps Dr. Zlo should shrink his minions down, like he did with the Jacques-a-pult. It would give him enough rank and fodder and leave enough space for his more important minions to sit. But Dylan also wanted to plan ahead. He needed something that allowed for extra space.

"I should make the car bigger on the inside!" Dr. Zlo stated. "Then, I could carry as many Jacques as I need! Along with all the special varieties!"

In fact, he could make the Zlomobile something like a mobile command base. Dr. Zlo could store a factory inside the enlarged space, making enough Jacques to use whenever he needed them. And the villain could tack on more upgrades whenever he required, crafting a car fit for any adventure.

But Dylan knew doing making such an upgrade would require more unique materials. Materials Dr. Zlo would need to go and get. Which meant that he still needed a short-term transportation fix.

Well, the Jacques-a-pult storage was probably the best option. It would let him store enough minions to use for both crimes, which would then upgrade his Zlomobile into the mobile command center. All he needed was the materials list. The villain walked down to his garage, opening the upgrade panel for the Zlomobile.

Additions:

Description:

The Zlomobile is now bigger on the inside, holding entire rooms in the small four-door vehicle. The space is large enough to house a few factories and still fit a hundred-or-so people comfortably.

Telephone Booth (1)

Klein Bottle (1)

Tesseract Drawing (1)

Sciencium (100g) or Phlebotinium (1g)

Components listed, Dylan called out for his mouse minions. "Faraday, are you there?"

"I. Am. Here," Faraday answered, the mouse squeaking out the electronic words.

Dr. Zlo looked over to the workbench, where the mouse stood waving. The villain made his way across the room, stopping just before the minion.

"I need to find a telephone booth," Dr. Zlo said. "See if there's one near the laboratory with the common cold."

Faraday nodded, scurrying off behind the workbench.

While the mouse went to work, Dylan commanded his Jacques to come downstairs. The minions filed into the room in rows of twos, circling around the Zlomobile like it was a bonfire.

"Alright, you lot," Dr. Zlo stated. "We're about to shrink you down for the Jacques-a-pult."

The villain banged on the Zlomobile's trunk, opening it up with his cane. The Jacques-a-pult unfurled from the back, its mechanical arm poised and ready. Dr. Zlo ignored it in favor of the feeding tube to the side.

"Step right up!" the villain commanded to the closest Jacques.

The Jacques saluted, marching forward proudly and puffing out its chest. Dr. Zlo nodded appreciatively before pulling out the feeding tube. He placed the large funnel on the Jacques's head and watched the Jacques-a-pult go to work. The Jacques under the tube deflated like a balloon, bunching into a ball that banged along the pipe until a perfect cube arrived at the other side, the Jacques stored neatly inside. The next Jacques stepped forward at Dr. Zlo's prompting, and soon the villain had enough ammunition to fill his trunk and then some.

"Hold these," Dr. Zlo commanded, handing Lug a handful of compressed minions.

The big minion nodded, easily holding two of Dr. Zlo's handfuls in one hand.

Faraday arrived at some point in the process but waited patiently for Dr. Zlo to finish before speaking.

"There. Is. A. Telephone. Booth. At. A. Pop. Culture. Museum. In. The. City," the mouse said.

"I do hope you fix that stilted talk soon," Dr. Zlo said wearily. "It would be nice to converse with other intelligent beings. You must tell me how you crafted this ingenious speaking device once you perfect it."

"Understood," Faraday answered. "We. Will. Endeavor. To. Do. So."

"Good," Dr. Zlo answered.

With his minions stowed and his items located, the villain ushered everyone into the Zlomobile and hopped into the driver's seat.

"To villainy!" the villain cried.

The Zlomobile started up, the hydraulic jacks underneath pushing the car up and into Dr. Zlo's street-facing garage. The doors opened a moment later, and Dr. Zlo zoomed out of the building.

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