Chapter 125
Grandpa exhaled in relief.
After doing that for a long time, he shook his head.
He must have thought something was strange reading his daughter Ko Hae's diary, but I don't think his feelings for me have changed.
"Grandpa,"
I said anxiously, raising his exhausted face.
He seemed to have taken a shock when I said Im not his grandson.
"Little Hun, If you say those words again, you'll be in big trouble, okay?"
"Yes."
As grandpa said, even if there's no blood, I look up to him more than my own grandfather and feel closer to him than my own father.
All the misunderstandings have not been resolved yet, but that mindset will not change.
Grandpa got up with a groan.
"Let's eat."
Grandpa headed to the sink and took out his smartphone after looking at the dishes I had soaked in detergent.
"I should order. Do you want to eat potato pizza?"
It's just a question of whether I'll eat my usual pizza.
However, it is something he would never say to Ko Hun', who hates potato pizza, so I keep giving it a meaning.
"Yes,"
Grandpa ordered pizza and stretched on the couch in the living room with a groan.
Then suddenly grandpa stands up and stares at me.
He put his hand on my forehead to check if I had a fever.
Where do you think you're sick?
Huh.
I said I was a painter who died 100 years ago, so it's no wonder he thinks Im sick.
"Let's talk now. What made you think that? What do you mean Van Gogh? What are you talking about? What the hell."
I don't know how to explain it.
I wonder if I need to let grandpa know who I am.
"Is it because of the news articles?"
Grandpa referred to the media and critics who described me as [Vincent van Gogh's descendant] or [Little Van Gogh].
It wasn't just them, but also those around me who thought like that.
I drew [Mask] to remove such an image, so he seems to think it is because of that mental burden.
No.
Then?
I'm not sure if I should tell him the whole story, or should I cover it up here and there.
Or is it better to move on with Grandpa's suspicions?
I don't know what is the right answer.
However, grandpa gave me confidence that I would not lose him even if I was honest.
"I remember. How Van Gogh lived."
Grandpa narrowed his eyes.
"I told everyone how he died in Auvers-sur-Oise?"
I brought up the story of Auvers-sur-Oise, where we went last winter.
I think it could be explained to some extent if grandpa recalls how I told grandpa Martin and the Van Gogh Institute staff about the location of the thicket they were looking for.
Grandpa was in agony.
There are probably quite a few instances that grandpa can think of.
I can't speak Korean properly, but I'm good at Dutch, and I'm good at drawing all of a sudden.
"It's interesting, but something doesnt add up."
Grandpa said something unexpected.
"From grandpa's perspective, I think Hun has good observation skills. It's like a habit."
Maybe he means by me looking around wherever I go.
Do you remember going to the psychiatrist when you were in the hospital?
Yes.
You drew the exact room. Similarly, you found the place by looking at the tree bushes and postcards."
I didn't know the place that was covered by the building until I saw the postcard, so grandpas argument does make sense.
I speak other languages well.
Hae said in her diary that you have been learning French for three years. It's fast, but it's not impossible. Ive also heard of a 4-year-old kid speaking 7 languages. And I dont think the words that Vincent van Gogh used would still be used even today."
""
Come to think of it, I also had doubts about it.
I haven't had much trouble talking to grandpa or others since I woke up.
Obviously, the language is different from 138 years ago, and even though it is difficult to understand, I naturally use the language now.
"I don't know about that."
"Even if your painting has a Van Gogh feel, it's not exactly the same."
"It's because I'm learning from other paintings."
Grandpa nodded this time.
Then what will you say about the mind?
What?
Van Gogh had a mental illness. Hun doesn't seem to have one."
"Didn't I feel better because I was healthy?"
"Is the body and the mind the same?"
Grandpa shook his head.
"People who have suffered from mental illness all their lives can't just return to normal just because they became healthy. Don't you think so?"
I can't answer.
Listening to grandpa, I also started having doubts.
It was really hard right before I died and I felt like I was broken since I even had auditory hallucinations.
Is it possible to have no hallucinations, anxiety, and uncontrollable emotional changes just because I woke up in a different body?
Even if I'm cured, is it something that can be cured in an instant?
There is no way for me and grandpa to know without professional knowledge.
I cannot refute the question raised by grandpa.
It's so hard to prove that I'm me.
"Do you really think you're Vincent van Gogh? Does it matter? What's important is that Im your grandpa and youre my grandson.
Really?
Really. Nothing matters other than that."
The next day, Ko Sooyeol visited Kim Heewon, a psychiatrist who treated Ko Hun.
He visited alone out of the fear of bad rumors spreading about his grandson, who has already become a celebrity.
Kim Heewon greeted happily when he saw Ko Sooyeol.
"Professor,"
Ko Sooyeol greeted politely and sat face to face with Kim Heewon.
"Do you have something to consult with?"
"Yes."
Ko Sooyeol breathed out a long breath and opened his mouth.
"It's about Hun."
"Yes,."
Kim Heewon was in charge of Ko Hun for two months and formed a personal relationship, and as a doctor, he had to protect the patient's identity.
"I think Hun is very confused."
Ko Sooyeol carefully unraveled the story.
The facts about his grandson Ko Hun being different from him in the past and also told details of the conversations he had with Ko Hun yesterday.
Kim Heewon listened while asking questions to Ko Sooyeol sometimes.
"First of all, you should know that Hun has no choice but to think like that. Hes shocked because hes so different from himself in his mother's diary."
Ko Sooyeol nodded.
"It's rare to lose your memory completely like Hun. Also, the socialization process is not common."
Ko Sooyeol narrowed the eyebrows and tilted the upper body.
"As you know, Hun has an adult level of intelligence and reasoning skills. Such a child was suddenly placed in a state of exclusion of knowledge. It's bound to be confusing. He'll try to understand why hes like this, and he'll try to understand what's happening all of a sudden."
Kim Heewon turned the pen around.
"Did he hear anything saying Hun is Van Gogh?"
There were a lot of articles like that. People around him also said similar things,
"Has Hun read a lot about Van Gogh?"
"Yes. It's not only Van Gogh, but he also looks for other artists' stories and watches them."
Kim Heewon, who was lost in thought, tapped on the desk with his pen.
Through his rational and reasonable mindset and long experience as a psychiatrist, he guessed Ko Hun's condition.
"There are times when you collect information from people around you, make a plausible story, and believe it."
"Is that really possible?"
Ko Sooyeol asked as if confirming.
"It sounds absurd, but you should consider Hun's special situation. He has a high level of intelligence, but suddenly he's in a situation where he doesn't even remember who he is. What he can do is guess from the information around him, and as it repeats, he will believe it without even realizing it..But I don't think you need to worry about it too much."
"How can I not worry?"
Kim Heewon smiled leisurely and reassured Ko Sooyeol.
"I think you handled it well. You didn't deny what he thought and continued the conversation, right? Hun doesn't deny the professor either."
Yes.
Hun has only one to prove himself. Yesterday's conversation might have made him realize that hell be his grandfather's grandson no matter who he is. So he'll get better."
Ko Sooyeol was relieved but couldn't completely ease his worries.
"If you're worried, let's take a test. I don't think there's much of a problem because Hun can talk to the professor normally."
"What kind of test
Arent you worried that he might have a mental illness? A delusional disorder or something.
I don't know,
Ko Sooyeol sighed.
"I don't think Hun is mentally weird. However, I thought it might be a problem with the environment or something."
Ko Sooyeol found the cause of the problem in himself.
Kim Heewon smiled at him.
He watched the two of them treat each other last year, so he didn't think there would be a big problem.
I don't think so.
Thank you.
Ko Sooyeol asked, sighing.
Is delusion a disease?
Yes, it's categorized as a disease.
There's nothing wrong with anything else, right?
There will be no problems in daily life. Most of them are convinced that their thoughts are right, so if they dont realize it and it gets worse, problems can arise.."
Kim Heewon reassured Ko Sooyeol, who was anxious, once again.
"Don't worry too much. We need to do the test, but I don't think there's a big problem with Hun. Think of it as a test that proves that it's a problem that will be solved naturally over time."
Ko Sooyeol closed his eyes.
He didnt know how to ask his grandson to meet with the psychiatrist.
Many parents felt the same way, so Kim Heewon comforted Ko Sooyeol.
"It's best to choose the right words and be honest. Sometimes they feel betrayed when they are lied to.
Ko Sooyeol nodded.
When will it be convenient for you?
Please visit at your convenience. Don't worry too much."
TRIVIA
On November 3, 2020, a team of researchers at the University of Groningen Medical Center in the Netherlands claimed Vincent van Gogh's suicide was an act of acute organic brain syndrome.
A research team at the University of Groningen in the Netherlands found Van Gogh suffered from acute organic brain syndrome twice.
They refuted the existing theory that he suffered from borderline personality disorder and schizophrenia.
It is a syndrome in which brain dysfunction occurs due to malnutrition, excessive drinking, lack of sleep, and mental exhaustion.
(To be Continued)
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