Are we good Zhenyi?" Long Jie asked once they were done with the lunch. He scooted near her and held her hand.
"Jie, that's why you asked me for the lunch?"She countered.
"Zhenyi—"
Shaking her head, she said, "No, you think that we will have lunch together and we will go back to how we were."
"Zhenyi, that's not what I think," He immediately said.
He sighed, feeling defeated because she was absolutely right. He indeed thought that he needed to do something to prove to her how serious he was about her and them. And when the opportunity landed on his doorstep that he'd think twice before ever grasping it with both of his hands. But he didn't want Zhenyi to forgive him too soon. What he did was too unfair, and besides, he was almost certain she wouldn't make a damm thing easy on him and she shouldn't either. He deserved her wrath and indifference but hell, why did it hurt so much!
"But you hoped," She said, totally seriously.
Shaking his head, he answered, "I won't lie. I did. I did think that I will try and perhaps you will forgive me."
"Did u commit a mistake Long Jie?" Her back straightened and eyebrows shot sky high.
"I didn't." He reacted.
"Then why are you asking for my forgiveness," said Zhenyi and shook her head mirthlessly. " You don't repent what you did. You never think twice before breaking your words and my trust and hell sometimes my heart too."
"You know I never wish to hurt you." Pain entered his expression, but she couldn't seem to stop exploding.
"You always do, Jie. You always do. Intentionally or unintentionally, I don't know but you." She bellowed.
She couldn't stop today. She shouldn't because he didn't need to hear the exact words, not the honey-coated words.
Zhenyi eaved out a breath, causing her shoulders to lift and fall before she said, " Jie, your pain is pain, and what about me? If your childhood was not colored with paint of love and joys, mine was no better if not worse." She started at him and the dead look in her eyes was killing him. " I don't remember my mother. I don't even know how she looked like. My father ordered to remove all her pictures from the house so that I won't know how she looks like. I know my father loved me, more than anything else in the world but it hurts to know, that I'm the reason he can't even mourn his dead wife." Her voice now almost turned into a whisper," It hurts, Jie. It hurts too much."
As she said she wouldn't stop, she really didn't and went on," And when he said I've to marry you, I was exasperated. I wanted to kill anyone who was near me and break every damm thing. I wanted to revolt for the first time against my dad, but I didn't." She then let out a bitter chuckle as if he was laughing at herself. "Then, you were not what I thought all along, though you are still the arrogant, bossy asshole I met for the first time but I also know there is something different in you." She seemed to have paused for a moment and then spoke looking at anywhere but at him. " I thought maybe can trust you, and I can leave my shitty 'past' all behind but I didn't know that time, you have a baggage too. You won't leave me and you're your past won't leave you."
His chest felt as if it'd just been split open and was bleeding out every pain and regret he'd ever experienced. A few months ago, he wouldn't have wanted to bother him with his wife, because there was nothing that interests him about his trophy wife. This was what he had thought about her at that time 'trophy wife'.
Imagine his predicament, when he was told that his wife was not the meek dumb cow he was wanting all along to have to secure his position as the Clan head and then carry out the last mission to end everything and everyone that deserved to be ended and his wife was the key to all the locked doors.
In his childhood, he hadn't stood up for what he wanted and he hadn't fought back when he should have. He was a fucking failure. He let bullies to bully him as they wanted.
And now, here he was, trying to convince her to give him a chance. It was utter bullshit. Who was he to beg her to give her the chance which she gave him numerous times and he he threw it out of the window in fears that it would lead to the unlocking of the doors that lead to his buried secrets.
He had never done the right thing in that regard and he didn't know what was the right thing to do.
That was why he didn't outright deny her when she was suggesting to remain strictly business. He indeed had planned on remaining strictly business if she was not his Cat eyes. If she was just Xin Zhenyi and Xin Yichen's daughter, there wouldn't be anything other than business between them but then fate had to play the cruel game with him again.
Fate opened the door to that part of his childhood which he so badly wanted to keep it locked, not forever but until he was done with his ultimate goal but no it loved playing with him always and so the thing/person he had been running from for years was tossed in his path.
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