She arrived at his building with a mission, riding up the elevator with a purpose. But when she walked along the corridor, nearing his apartment door, she froze.
She could not manage to take the next step. Minutes or was it more had passed, but all she did was stare at the door. Suddenly, she regretted not taking more than one drink.
She started having doubts about her plans to confront him. She even forgot the lines she had been memorizing while on her way over. She came to see him so they could talk, but what was there to talk about.
Maybe she was just making a big deal of something that did not mean anything to him. She did not even want it to be a big deal herself. Then, why was she here about to knock on his door.
"Because there is seriously something wrong with him." She told herself, building up the confidence again to confront him. "You are just here to speak your mind and tell him what you think of him and his inappropriate action."
After her pep talk, she squared her shoulders, stood tall, and decided to talk to him as planned. She was already outside his door anyway, might as well try. Besides, he was the one who started this. At least she could try to end it.
"Come on, don't lose your nerves now." She talked to herself, positioning her hands up, fist poised on the wooden panel.
Forcing herself, she commanded the muscles on her arm to move her knuckle, but it barely made a sound. "You can do better than that." She mumbled to herself.
Closing her eyes temporarily, she pushed her hand harder until it made contact with the door again. Finally, it sounded like a more decent knock. She waited for a minute, peeking at the closed door, but nobody answered.
She was about to try again but changed her mind when he did not respond. She figured that either he was ignoring any visitor because he was tired, or maybe he was out.
But another thought came to her mind when his door remained closed. He might be entertaining a guest and did not want to be disturbed.
"What are you doing?" She asked herself frustratedly as she leaned her head gently on the cold hard surface. "He could be busy doing who knows what." Continuing to mutter quietly to herself.
She suddenly had no idea what she was thinking, barging into his place in the first place, almost in the middle of the night. She banged her head softly on the solid wood as she closed her eyes again.
Then, repeated a couple more times before resting her forehead again on the closed door, sighing in irritation, annoyed with herself. Because, in all honesty, she had no freaking idea of what she wanted from him.
"Same question." Someone suddenly spoke behind her. "What are you doing here, Jacky?" The voice sounded louder.
He was surprised to find her standing in his hallway. After the earlier incident, he swore she would never want to see him again. He even thought she might have condemned him to hell.
"Shit!" She hissed to herself, realizing that she was not alone in the corridor. She was preoccupied with her thoughts that she did not even notice his presence. "How long have you been standing there?"
She closed her eyes shut, suddenly feeling embarrassed to be caught standing outside his door, effortlessly recognizing the voice of the man who spoke behind her.
She took a deep breath and thought of an excuse, but her mind suddenly turned blank as she came up empty. All her thoughts of speaking her mind suddenly went out of the window.
She opened her eyes, straightened her body, and turned around until she faced him. But she lowered her eyes, avoiding any form of eye contact.
"Long enough." But he did not elaborate more as he stepped closer to his door. "Just came from work." Emphasizing the last word.
Somehow, his mind could tell where her mind was going when she made her last statement. It only stressed the reason why they could never be together.
She would never forgive and forget what he did to her. She would always associate him with the womanizer he was in the past. He had tried to step out of that shadow, but it still seemed to follow him wherever he went.
"I think I made a mistake of coming here." She immediately said, suddenly losing all her courage. "I am sorry, Marcus. I did not mean to disturb you, but I am leaving." Swiftly moving past him, not wanting to look into his face or for him to see hers, not giving him any further explanation of her presence.
Her cheeks must be like a rotten tomato from her earlier mortification. It certainly felt like it. She did not want to add more to her embarrassment.
She continued to walk toward the elevator, aware that he was still staring at her retreating back. But she was glad that he did not try to stop her.
But before she could reach the elevator doors, she slowly realized that she had nothing to apologize to him. On the contrary, it was he who should be apologizing to her.
"Wait." She shouted, fuming when she turned around and saw him opening his door. He did not even wait until she was gone before entering his apartment.
She was also enraged that he did not even feel the need to be sorry for his earlier action. She could remember, quite clearly, that it was him who initiated the first move.
He did kiss her on the plane. She only responded out of reflex. Then afterward, he abruptly pulled back as if he had been scorched by her touch.
Maybe he could not wait to get rid of her, she thought. She suddenly felt that what happened earlier was just a game to him..? She was here to find out because she was not leaving without answers.
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