Chapter 2022 Not backing down
A gratified smile bloomed on Kaoru-san's face. Her gaze resting upon me became gentler. It's as if she's already thanking me even though I haven't done anything yet.
"Onoda-kun, don't put this matter above anything else. I've long accepted that the crux of the problem lies within me. The reason I still haven't overcome it 'til this day is because I cannot let go of my fixation towards perfection. It may appear excessive for everyone. But for me, I now treat it as a normal thing."
Kaoru-san's gratified smile relaxed, and she once again took a sip from her tea, seemingly reducing her body's tension.
She looked more relaxed as though she had just dropped the weight she was carrying.
I briefly mulled over her words, processing them quickly in my head.
That sounded reasonable. If I was in her shoes, I might also come to accept that condition. It's kinda like how I accepted my desire or that it's seemingly incurable at this point.
However, even if that were the case, I couldn't help but suspect that she was merely giving me an excuse to not fully devote my efforts to it.
It could be just Kaoru-san being considerate not to trouble me -- or the other people, like Yue or her parents, for that matter.
Since they'd already identified the issue years ago, those around her must've already come up with a solution multiple times but each time, it resulted in failure.
If I'm not wrong, she pretty much abandoned hope that she could still walk past it and leave her excessive self-criticism behind.
Agreeing with her here would mean she's not going to expect anything from me anymore but she still appreciates my attempt.
Should I just do that? It's troublesome in a certain sense but this is Yue's first request from me. I haven't even done anything to make amends for turning her down before.
This could be my chance.
Besides, haven't I told them to turn to me for help if they need any? I can just consider this like Aoi's request to save Ohori-senpai.
Upon reaching that line of thought, I also took a sip from the tea Kaoru-san's mother prepared before donning my enthusiasm.
"Acceptance doesn't always result in relief, Kaoru-san. I bet you also have time where you're wallowing in misery that you cannot be like a normal person."
I started, which instantly made her eyebrows twitch.
Kaoru-san didn't expect me to push back like this when she already presented me with a way out.
"I completely understand why you believe it's better to live with it than figure out a way when everything you tried before has failed. However, think about this for a second, Kaoru-san. You won't have to shy away from your passion and find joy in everything you do if that condition has been lifted."
Kaoru-san's shoulders drooped as a hint of disappointment flashed from her face. It's only a split-second but it's enough to show her opinion about it.
Of course, she'd already thought of that multiple times before as it was what should be waiting for her at the end.
That's why my saying that sounded superficial and uninspiring.
I also acknowledged that but I wasn't done yet...
I let my lips stretch further, making it look like a foolish grin. This is necessary though.
It's something I needed to break open her stalwart defense.
"This might sound like reaching to you but I believe it will be more fantastic for everyone eating your dishes to see you enjoying it as well. Also, I feel like I got rejected earlier when I invited you to eat with us, Kaoru-san. Allow me to change that."
With the silly grin still plastered on my lips, I ended my words by raising my tea cup and toasting it with hers.
This time, Kaoru-san's forehead creased as she stared at me like a confused bird who hit a glass window. She was extremely baffled.
--
Ten minutes later, Kaoru-san and I returned downstairs. I naturally haven't come up with a solution right away but at the very least, I managed to persuade her to let me try. With some of my dignity as an expense though.
I mean, I continued to act like an enthusiastic fool in front of her and she eventually gave up just to end my clowning.
But hey, I achieved my goal, right?
I told her I'd come up with something before we leave Tokyo so I have plenty of time for it.
For now, we're going to run late at the recording if delayed further.
That's why I continued my meal with the girls first and then we waited for Kaoru-san to finish tidying up their kitchen.
We offered our help but she refused, stating we were basically her guests and customers so we should sit back instead.
I continued observing her and she's really too meticulous. Most people would probably attribute it to her hardworking personality. However, the truth of the matter was it was simply the result of her condition.
To minimize invoking her self-criticism or just tone it down, she's always giving her 100% no matter the task.
Also, one thing I learned was that she's only truly vocal when it comes to her cooking. As for the other things, she's already used to suppressing her voice within her mind.
"So, what's your judgement, Ruki?"
Yue asked and the other three who probably got filled in with the details by her also looked at me with certain expectations.
"Let's see. It's safe to say that she has already given up on finding a solution. I took all that time to convince her to let me help."
"I mean, it might be different but her condition is quite similar to my desire. Her self-criticism is bottomless. If I managed to eventually help her with it, it means I might also find a solution to my own condition."
Upon hearing my evaluation, the four of them seemingly nodded in sync but the expressions on their faces varied.
Akane was happy to hear it but the other three were conflicted.
And it's understandable why they would feel that way...
"Come on, even if I end up curing my desire, I won't ever let any of you go. I'm a greedy guy, remember? It may only stop me from falling in love with more girls. As for all of you, I’ll continue to fall deeper."
Yue pinched my side before hugging me tightly, expressing her thoughts through it.
Miho crossed her arms and acted like she was unimpressed with what she heard.
And Yua blushed profusely.
This time, they might have differing reactions but they're all pleased to hear it.
"Husband, we'll be needing a huge mansion in the future." Akane playfully added.
"I know. What do you think about buying a castle?".
With that kind of follow-up, all four of them charged at me. I have no idea if it sounded absurd to them or if they were just scolding me. Nevertheless, their sweet laughter filled the whole shop.
By the time Kaoru-san emerged from the kitchen, she witnessed me being mobbed by the four.
I don't know if this will lead her to suspect the other three's relationship with me but she's watching my plight in amusement so probably not.
Soon after that, we went to thank Kaoru-san's parents and followed her back to the car.
Looking at the time, it's a quarter before five. An hour before the start of the recording.
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