Second Try Idol

“I’m fine. Everything is okay," I assured them.

“..."

“I mean it. If you are ever sick, go straight to the hospital. I’m serious."

Despite my words, both my parents and my sister looked at me with skepticism, their eyes clouded with doubt. But their doubts wouldn’t change the situation. If I feigned ignorance, they would have no choice but to drop the subject.

“Is that really true? Yoo-Joon, does your company genuinely take good care of your health?"

“Huh? Well...um..." Goh Yoo-Joon stuttered.

“Yes, they do. Our manager really looks out for us," I quickly added after seeing Goh Yoo-Joon struggling to respond.

“Absolutely. Especially the manager hyung, he is exceptionally attentive."

Truth be told, there had been numerous occasions of illness and injuries, and frankly, the mental exhaustion and hardships were more frequent than not.

Yet, what could be gained from sharing these burdens with our families? It would only cause them unnecessary worry. It seemed better to handle this amongst ourselves, between members.

I wasn't fond of where this conversation was heading and quickly drained my glass, hoping to steer the discussion elsewhere. However, instead of diverting their attention, my mom quietly started wiping tears from her eyes. “Every time I hear about one of you being hurt or collapsing, my heart sinks. And I can’t even reach you on the phone," she murmured.

Mom was visibly upset. Her tears were a testament to her concerns.

I lifted my head involuntarily and caught her gaze. A mix of infinite disappointment and worry were obvious in her eyes.

“Do you even know how worried I have been?" she asked.

“Hyun-Woo, this isn’t right. You might not realize because she doesn’t tell you, but she’s been crying a lot over her worries for you," Dad chimed in.

“...I understand that you’ve been really worried. I am sorry."

Dad then refilled the empty glasses, perhaps hinting that it was time to ease the mood. I reflected on the moment and realized this was the first time my dad had ever poured drinks for me.

I absentmindedly gulped down the drink he served as I was now aware of my family’s concerns. I had avoided such painful acknowledgments until now.

Even though I had braced myself for today's situation, the reality of it made me want to escape. The atmosphere was suffocating and far from welcome.

So, I just…

“Yeah..."

Pretended to be drunk.

“Eh? Suh Hyun-Woo?"

“Yeah..."

“Noona, Suh Hyun-Woo is drunk," Goh Yoo-Joon announced.

“Eh? Oh, really? Just from that?"

‘Thanks for helping, Goh Yoo-Joon.’

Honestly, the situation was enough to sober anyone, and though I wasn't really drunk, this small amount would usually blur my consciousness.

‘Let’s just go with that.’

“Is he drunk? He looks perfectly fine," my sister expressed her disbelief, questioning Goh Yoo-Joon.

“He usually doesn’t show it. When he’s drunk, it’s hard to tell unless you are drunk alongside him. Jin-Sung said that Suh Hyun-Woo doesn’t even get flushed when he’s drunk."

“Ha! Kid! If you can’t handle your liquor, just say so!"

“Lies, how can he be drunk after just three drinks? It’s absurd. Hey, Hyun-Woo, get up now."

Perhaps my sister was the family’s champion drinker. She was unable to trust my tolerance and physically pressed down on me with her foot. I played along by tilting because of her pressure and pretending to collapse.

Just then, my mom stopped crying and remarked, "That’s not the right way to behave in front of your parents."

Goh Yoo-Joon quickly helped me to my feet. “I will take him to his room."

“He’s being ridiculous. Just toss him on the floor. He will manage to crawl into bed on his own."

“Sure, noona."

Goh Yoo-Joon escorted me to my room. Part of me wondered if he would actually follow through with tossing me on the floor. How would I mitigate the impact of collapsing on the floor if he did?

After a brief moment of consideration, he gently laid me on the bed. Thanks, gosh.

“Wow, how can you be drunk after just three shots? What a lightweight," he teased, even though I was supposedly asleep. After all, he himself would be inebriated after just four drinks.

Once he left and closed the door, I opened my eyes. In the darkened room, I could hear my family and Goh Yoo-Joon continuing their discussion outside. Goh Yoo-Joon yelled, "Dad, mom, noona, I love you!" followed by the sound of my sister kicking him. My mom voiced her concerns again, and my dad admonished her, all of which I absorbed while staring at the ceiling.

I used to fall asleep the moment my head hit the pillow, but tonight was different. Despite the exhaustion from a full day of rehearsals, a showcase, and even a few drinks, my mind was strangely alert.

Maybe it wasn’t just wakefulness keeping me from sleep, but a desire to linger in the comforting murmur of family conversations. I closed my eyes and let the familiar sounds wash over me.

Suddenly, the door swung open, and my family playfully tossed Goh Yoo-Joon into the room. “Geez, you two are alcohol trash," they laughed.

“What does 'alcohol trash' mean?" I heard him ask.

"It's slang. 'Alcohol trash' is what they call lightweights.”

A weight landed heavily on me. It was the unmistakable drunken heap of Goh Yoo-Joon.

“Are you asleep, Suh Hyun-woo? Are you really asleep? Coming all this way to your parents' place just to sleep?"

“The other members must have been suffering because of these two lightweights,” my sister muttered under her breath. “I should remind Joo-Han to keep these two from drinking too much."

“Since you are asleep, here's something I wanted to tell you, Hyun-Woo," Goh Yoo-Joon slurred, clearly ready to confess some drunken affection. “I fucking love you, man. I love all of the members. Ah, Mom, Dad, noona, what am I going to do?"

“Yes, of course, we know that. No need to tell us.”

“I really do! I can give all my heart to you guys.”

It seemed they were tired of his declarations of love as he kept saying the same thing from the living room. With a hint of annoyance, my sister ushered our parents out and left us to the quiet of my room. As the door clicked shut, I stopped feigning sleep and shoved Goh Yoo-Joon off me.

Thud!!!

He tumbled, sprawled across the floor, and immediately succumbed to sleep. “Geez, you are such a bastard."

I had intended to offer him the bed as a thank-you for joining me, but he was already fast asleep on the floor. I sighed, fetched a blanket and a pillow from the closet, and covered him before reclaiming my spot on the bed. The sounds from the first family gathering of the night seemed to be winding down, and the house fell quiet.

Sleep finally began to beckon me. It had been ages since Goh Yoo-Joon had come over to hang out and ended up crashing like this. I hadn’t expected to relive these moments from our past. It felt like a poignant throwback.

Creak-

Just as sleep was about to take me, the door opened again. This time, someone entered quietly. I kept my eyes shut, pretending to sleep, and wondered who it could be. It wasn’t Mom or my sister...

The person sat at the end of my bed and let out a weary sigh. It was Dad. He seemed very concerned.

“...”

Without needing to see, I felt his gaze heavy on me. His hand was rough and gentle, and it brushed back my hair and rested on my head. His touch was laden with unspoken worries.

“You should’ve told me that you were sick..."

“...”

“How did you endure all of this by yourself…” His voice was barely a whisper, maybe afraid of waking me. Such a stern and solemn man worried about me in such a pained voice. Why? Perhaps because the words he spoke seemed to resonate with both the me from that day and the me from the present.

After a long time of stroking my head, Dad left the room. Only then could I cry. I let go of the tension I had been holding all day, crying so hard that my shoulders shook. I had missed them so much. The smiling faces of my parents, the worry they had for me just because I was their son, and even the trivial moments with my teammates who had shone on stage with me for so long...

I could only fulfill my wish after achieving an impossible miracle.

***

The next afternoon was light and carefree. We enjoyed a meal with the family which was fueled by the allowance Joo-Han had given us before preparing to head back to our lodgings.

“Yoon-Chan loves snacks, so I packed some along with your side dishes and Joo-Han’s favorite coffee beans I roasted," Mom proudly explained.

“Did you really roast these yourself?" Goh Yoo-Joon asked as he was surprised.

“Of course. I even remember that Joo-Han only likes coffee shop coffee.”

Her attention to detail was a testament to how closely she followed our lives.

Mom had carefully selected treats for each member and showed her love in her own special way.

Dad handed us some money. “Here, spend it wisely."

“Ah, you didn’t have to," Goh Yoo-Joon said, pocketing the money with a mischievous grin.

Dad smiled broadly, the same way he did when he talked about his new car.

“Pay it back with filial piety someday," my sister chimed in. We nodded, packed our mountain of belongings into the car, and prepared to leave.

“Visit us anytime you want, and let us know when you have concerts!”

“Okay, I will call you later.”

“See you soon!”

I started the engine and waved my hands at everyone once more before leaving the parking lot. The overnight stay at home had been more pleasant than expected, but it was time to return my focus to my career.

Upon returning to the dorm, I quickly dropped off my luggage and headed to the broadcast station with Su-Hwan.

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