It had been their ritual to part ways at the school gates. The only difference this time was that Remo would usually walk behind Luke, Cosette, and Maxen. Although he kept his distance and just appeared to be just going out of the school just like everybody else.
Sarah, Amie, and Fay were walking on their way home. Fay had her hands linked on the back of her head, strutting freely while wearing her jogging pants underneath her skirt. Usually, at this time, they would be chatting about whatever they could talk about, but today felt different.
Not only Fay was silent, but Sarah and Amie weren't talking. Sarah would constantly glance at Amie while the latter was walking with her head hung low.
'It's okay,' Sarah told herself, stopping herself from baby-ing Amie since she agreed with Cosette's idea. 'She'll be fine.'
Just as that thought crossed Sarah, Amie let out one big exhale and raised her head. Unlike the fear that clung to her like a ghost, Amie had this smile on her face.
"Why are you so silent?" asked Amie in a lively tone, looking from her left to right since she was walking in the middle between Fay and Sarah. "Did something happen? Is anything wrong?"
Sarah forced a smile, despite knowing Amie was simply faking it. "Nothing. My brain is just fried. I think Fay is also mentally exhausted. She'd been participating in every class, which is good. Right, Fay?"
"Hmm… not really," replied Fay offhandedly, keeping her eyes ahead with her hands still on the back of her head. "My brain is getting used to gathering information and I need to release those information else I'll explode."
"Fay, you're really cool." Amie giggled as Fay's nonchalance suit her the best. "I think you'll be on the top if you continue this."
"I doubt. I just want to join Cozie and the rest in case next year they will have to transfer to the star section." Fay shrugged. "I mean, our other classmates are no fun. Cosette, Maxen, and even Luke were like gifted children. Although they are very different from each other and they are already smart, they still study very hard. I don't want to get left behind."
"They do?" Amie tilted her head to the side and this time, Fay's eyes slid to the corner to cast Amie a side eye. "I thought they were gifted children and they don't need to review since they're already smart."
"Amie, where have you been?" Sarah chuckled weakly. "Have you not seen how they focus in class? Everyone, even I was pressured to study hard. Luke would even habitually threaten the entire class since he promised to erase the title of the worst section on the first day of class, remember?"
"Oh…" Amie rocked her head, making Sarah let out a deep exhale.
Surely, Amie wasn't mentally present all this time. How could she miss Luke's constant threats? Sarah would understand if Luke's actions were subtle. However, Luke was never the person to do subtle things. Instead, Luke would just suddenly stand up whenever they had a self-study time, and like their PE instructor, he would just ramble on and on while slapping a rolled paper on his palm to 'raise' everyone's morale.
Honestly, though, Luke wasn't raising everyone's morale but scaring everyone. It was effective since everyone felt pressured by it. Cosette and Maxen's eagerness also backed it up. So it was overall a good thing, in Sarah's opinion.
"Amie," called Fay after a moment, keeping her eyes ahead. When she felt Amie and Sarah's gaze on her side, she spoke with a second hesitation. "Let's break up."
"Huh?" Amie's feet automatically stopped while her eyes were fixed on Amie.
"Fay, what do you mean by that?" Sarah slowed down to wait for Amie, but Fay didn't. The latter kept walking in a leisurely manner.
"What I meant by that is we shouldn't be friends anymore." Fay shrugged as if the years she had spent with Amie were nothing. "I mean, we'd been together since middle school. And ever since then, I have kept protecting you from others because you were too kind and let them abuse you. It's not like you didn't know that."
This time, Sarah also stopped walking as she stared at Fay's back. Was she hearing things correctly? Fay wanted to end her friendship with Amie.
"Honestly, though, I don't mind at first. I do it because we're friends and I can't stand watching idly if someone is bullying my friend. But, I made a lot of thinking just recently," Fay continued, slowing down, albeit didn't show any sign of stopping her steps. "I thought I was doing a good deed and being a good friend, but I realized I wasn't. You've just unconsciously grown dependent on me, and after many years, only now did I feel the burden that had piled up through the years."
This time, Fay's steps stop. Her eyes were filled with nothing but sadness and reluctance, which disappeared in the blink of an eye. She slowly faced Sarah and Amie. Both had wide eyes, stunned at what they were hearing.
"I can't keep being your nanny, Amie. I mean, there were also things I want to do, and I realized I have so much potential. But, every time I want to do something, I have to reconsider whether you can or cannot keep up. For instance, I want to advance to our class and make my mom proud. But I kept having thoughts such as can you also study just as intensely? Can you keep up with my energy? My motivation? Just what would happen to you if I'm not around all the time? Would you get bullied and pretend everything was fine?" Fay kept her eyes on Amie, and her jaw clenched seeing a tear roll down Amie's cheek. "I'm not saying I will be in a top section, but at least, I am doing my best to move forward."
"You're holding me back from spreading my wings," she continued in the same unfaltering tone. "I know you didn't ask for this, but one way or another, I feel like aiming for something else — for something bigger and impossible is something I should feel sorry about. I don't want to hate you or blame you for why I ended up a loser in the future, just because I am always anxious to leave you alone."
"That's why…" Fay breathed out carefully. "... let's not become friends anymore. If you really see me as a friend, then you'd understand me and be happy for me. I want to focus on myself first and help myself since no one else will. If the rich kids in our class are taking their studies seriously, I don't have the excuse to slack. We're not rich, and the only thing I can do to keep up with them is to study ten times harder than them."
"Fay…" Sarah called under her breath, watching Fay glance at her.
"Anyway, I won't walk you back home today." Fay waved dismissively as she turned around without a second hesitation. "We still have tons of homework and I had to review for our quiz — so many things to do."
With that being said, Fay resumed her steps and walked away without looking back. Meanwhile, Sarah and Amie stayed in the same spot, even when Fay made a turn. Sarah was the first to recover from Fay's sentiments, turning her head in Amie's direction.
"Amie," whispered Sarah, seeing the tears that were rolling down Amie's cheek.
"Am I…" Amie's lips quivered as she looked back at Sarah. "... becoming a burden?"
Sarah's lips opened to tell her, 'of course not or Fay was just pressured and didn't mean it.' However, she ended up pursing her lips and approached Amie. Sarah silently embraced Amie, stroking her back.
For Sarah, she was simply worried about Amie's lack of courage to speak up or how the word, 'no' doesn't exist in Amie's vocabulary. But since Fay and Amie had known each other for the longest time, Sarah figured she was not in the position to speak for Fay.
One way or another, Fay had a point. Fay had shown for the past weeks she could go head to head with the only top student in their class last year. Sarah had never seen Fay be so eager to do better since she would usually just idle and hang around. But well, just as they said, they were already growing older.
Time was fleeting and they have to get it together this year as a preparation once they become third years.
"It's okay." Sarah consoled, casually rubbing Amie's back. "I think you two just need a break from each other for a moment. Everything will work out well once you two thought about this more."
Sarah gazed down and sighed, consoling Amie as she was crying her eyes out. Amie was just easy to shed tears on small things, and with this issue with Fay, it was expected.
It took minutes for Amie to calm down a bit. She was already hiccuping, wiping her tears with her handkerchief.
"I'll walk you home today, alright?" Sarah sported a gentle smile. "I don't want to go home just yet, anyway. So… a detour is alright."
Amie hiccupped, looking back at her friend's caring smile.
"Let's go?" Sarah tipped her head before the two of them walked home.
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