In retrospect, it was a confession a long time coming. It only made sense, all those talks about feelings, emotions, wanting her to feel more, open up to me more… all this time, unknowingly, I was doing the same. I just never imagine being the one to say it first, or for it to be so… awkwardly blunt… so sudden…
Yet bizarrely enough, I'm pretty sure we had this conversation before too. Back at the convention, jokingly, half-heartedly, random what-ifs that left us thinking... it certainly left her thinking at least. The way she just abruptly left right then when I suggested she wanted to be loved, it was a couple days of soul searching before she'd properly talk to me again, and even I'm not sure if she even found her answer.
But that's just how it is with her, isn't it? Unless explicitly stated, then it could never be it… quick to catch on to pretty much anything else besides herself. If I didn't tell her, she'll just keep wondering… at least now, that unknown aching feeling of hers finally had a name.
Yet I'm not even sure myself how to even classify it right, the way it felt, it was a different type of love than the kind I held for Ash, Irene, Amanda even… and yet it burns, yearns for her just as longingly.
Guess I wasn't as sure as I thought I was, but even so, there's just no mistaking it - I really did love her.
"So, um…" I cleared my throat, feeling a sudden tension sinking me down for some reason. "Now that's that resolved, you wanna try diving now?"
Adalia was so still that she made no ripples in the water. The only movement she made was with her eyes, a misty gray whirlwind gazing back at me, suddenly so intense, so passionate.
"No…" She spoke after a moment, a fading emptiness resounding. "I love… you…"
Okay, so are we just tossing out confessions like free candy, now? What was this?
"Yes, you do, and so do I," I slowly affirmed, feeling that tension like a rusty anchor now. "I fail to see why that's stopping you from wanting to dive."
"I… don't want… to dive…" She said, dropping her hand from her chest, a ripple dispersing slowly towards me. "I want… to… love you…"
That's… what?
"How do… I… love you…?"
This was a wildcard. I saw Fate deal its hand, I thought I was prepared for any outcome, then it just pulled a bloody ace from its sleeve, and went all-in so abruptly - how was I supposed to deal with this?
"Look, you… you already are, Adalia, you're already doing it," I sputtered, managing to scrounge up a quick, flimsy explanation. "Loving is as simple as just being with the one you love. You love your sister, it's the same thing."
"I don't feel… like this… with my sister…"
That's rather vague.
"Feel like what?" I asked.
That's when I noticed she was heaving, even stranger when there's no reason that she should be. Then, without a word, she reached her arm out, not as carefully, not as slowly, she took my uninjured hand and placed it firmly against her chest.
Instantly I felt the cold of her skin, not to mention the softness, the suppleness of her nearly bare breasts which was agonizingly hard to ignore, nevertheless, I made a valiant effort, and hissing in a much-needed breath of air, said, "If it's your heart, then that's - "
But no sooner had the words left my lips that I felt it, and I got my answer - two answers actually. One - that Vampires have a heartbeat. And two - Adalia's was beating fast like a drum.
"Normal…" I said, continuing, and pulling my hand away from her chest. "This is… you're just excited, that's all."
"Excited…" She repeated after me, her words leaving between breaths. "I have felt… like this before…"
"You have?" If she didn't have my curiosity before, she did now. "When?"
"This… feeling…" Adalia pulled her other hand out from the water, and as it emerged, it rippled, it splashed, and perhaps most noticeably, it trembled. "Frenzy…"
I went from greatly curious to greatly concerned in a matter of milliseconds. Thing was, I wasn't exactly an expert on vampire physiology, but the least I could do was garner a guess.
"No," Swallowing hard, I guessed, wildly at that. "You're aroused."
If there was a time for her to ever finally understand, it was right then. Sadly, her blank expression continues to stare back at me.
"A… roused…?"
I nodded. "Very aroused."
"How do you… know…?"
Ah, this question again…
"Well, for starters, uh…" I scoured around for an answer, but all I could find was my own reflections in the calm river, and sadly, I just have to make do with it. "When you look at me, what is it do you feel like doing? What comes to mind?"
Apparently, that was the completely wrong question to have asked her. Her breathing got even heavier, her stare tenser. I could see the tips of her fangs, poking through parted, panting lips. Her misty eyes drifted, I watched them search, slowly, meticulously, scouring every inch of me.
"Um, Adalia?"
She didn't answer me.
Seriously, I don't think I've ever seen her look so out of it the way she did now, so lost deep within… somewhere. In fact, the only instance that comes close to this was… when… she…
Frenzied…
Okay, dude, I feel very unsafe right now.
Then it happened - another rippling disturbing once calm waters - Adalia had raised both her hands forward, and she began to drift closer… and closer… and closer still… I wasn't sure whether to back away, or just let whatever will happen, happen, but then just before she could completely close the distance, that decision was made for me in the form of the loudest echo.
"Hey! You! The Elidna descendant!! Klim'anir Pruma!" From a distance, the furthest distance, a familiar voice bellowed out. "Keep your claws away from my Master!"
Ash's resounding cry was like a stray branch you accidentally grabbed onto falling off a steep cliff - Adalia being that lousy metaphorical cliff - and I wasn't sure how bad that fall could have been, but I think it's best I don't find out just yet.
There was a loud splash, and looking over Adalia's shoulder towards the shoreline, there was suddenly a missing Ash, and in its place, was a large wad of snowy-white rifting through the lake towards us at Olympic level speed like some kind of very fluffy, very water-absorbent shark.
Suddenly from shark to dolphin, it lunged out of the depths, sending a spout of splash to everything within vicinity, and by the time I managed to blink out all the droplets from my eyes, I felt a weight, a warmth, all over me, almost in an embrace.
"Devious intent!" Ash's voice cried out, nearly deafeningly close now. "I sense it! I felt it! From the shores ever so potent! I should have known better than to leave you unattended with my Master for too long! I do not know what has come over me recently."
I know there were more important things to pay attention to but tell that to my eyes - they're the ones drifting, they're the ones focusing - looking at her, her bare skin, her striking figure, growing wider and wider every passing moment.
Somehow, Ash had wedged herself between Adalia and I, acting like some sort of barrier. At once, I could sense a potential problem here and submerged my injured hand into the depths. Better she doesn't know about it yet.
Adalia seemed to have snapped back to her senses, her breathing had grown faint, and the intensity of her gaze had significantly lessened. Once again, quiet and meek, just the way I always knew her.
The way she vacantly gazed about her surroundings, it's like she only just noticed Ash's sudden appearance, and promptly gave the soaking, dripping Elf a moment of silent contemplation.
After a while, Adalia tilted her head at her. "Oh… Ash…" She whispered her name. "How do you… love…?"
"I beg your pardon?" The sheer utter confusion in her voice was almost deafening. "Love? Who? You? Why would you inquire such a thing of me?"
"Because… you are… in love… aren't… you…?"
"Indeed I am so," She proudly proclaimed, then narrowed her wide green eyes in suspicion. "You have not answered the question yet."
"Question…" The vampire muttered, looking over her, and briefly meeting my gaze. I blinked, and she blinked back, except while within that short span of time, something seemed to have clicked in her, as she drew her eyes away from the both of us. "Never… mind…"
I saw her rise, then rise even more, until droplets dripped from her hair, her claws, her body, until her feet were hovering over the lake again, but instead of getting closer, the slow, shambling steps she took instead grew our distance ever further.
"Going somewhere?" I asked.
"Rest… now…" She answered, continuing to walk. "Spell… tiring… I'm… tired… going back… now…"
Then before I could even say anything else, she managed to read my mind like two thoughts ahead of me.
"No need… to come… with me… I will be… fine…" She momentarily paused, only to then address Ash next. "Thank you… for letting me… borrow for a while… I will… return him… back to you… now…"
"There's not a need to return what has never been given," Ash retorted, her ears twitching a fiery temper. "And that then was not simply a figment of my imagination. I sensed it, that fleeting instance - devious! I will make you answer to it once you fully recuperate, mark my words."
Adalia just soldiered on away without another word. Really, having the audacity to just leave me drifting here, confused, wondering, departing so abruptly again, just like that time before... yeah, I don't think so.
This entire outing has so far proven to be just a showcase of all the ways a simply romantic admission can end up being not so romantic. Adalia was just… unconventional. How she went about things, how she reacts, I kiss her, and she really goes 'why'd you do that?'.
In any case, I get it. This was all very new and very confusing to her, especially her. Stunted emotions, stunted sensations. I can't even imagine what she's going through.
But that's exactly why I need to know. I need to understand what she's going through, what she's feeling. This whole new world of 'love' and 'feelings'... I want to be there for her every step of the way.
"Wait," I called out to her. "You didn't answer my question either. What did you feel just then? What was it?"
"Hm…?" Adalia paused in her tracks. "Didn't… you hear… it already…?"
"No?" I responded back to her, uncertain. "I don't think so."
It was kinda hard to tell what she was thinking without seeing her face as little as a blank stare could give me. I thought about swimming closer, and that's when I saw it… in tranquil waters, in crystal-clear reflections… a ghost of a smile reflecting back from afar.
"No… you heard it…" that smile moved, widening even more as it spoke again in that same breathless whisper. "Devious… intent…"
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