TL/Editor: looloo

Status: ongoing

Illustrations: posted in discord

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As soon as May began, I started looking everywhere for things we could do for our anniversary with Heena.

Buying expensive gifts would make her happy, but she would subtly scold me afterward, saying we should discuss such things together next time, so that was a no-go. Similarly, booking a table at a pricey restaurant was out of the question.

After eliminating all the impractical ideas, I realized I needed to stop planning everything on my own.

Then I thought, why not plan a trip together? Not just a local trip, but something like a one-night stay at a hot spring in Japan, something I once jokingly mentioned to Heena.

I had enough money. I hadn't spent much of the pay from my part-time job at the cafe, which I did to relieve stress. Although it wouldn't be enough if we really went to Japan, I could always use my brother Jeongwoo’s help.

I hadn't had much reason to spend the money I saved. Although Heena and I occasionally went on dates outside, we didn't spend much, and most of our dates were at home. My friends, now all adults, were too busy, so we didn't meet often.

In such circumstances, my routine as a student retaking the college entrance exam was confined to studying at home or working part-time three days a week. With Heena tutoring me, I didn't need to spend much on studying. Like in high school, if I hit a roadblock while studying, I could ask her later.

As a result, my grades in the April mock exams were good. If I really put my mind to it, I could probably get into the same university as Heena. Although if I pushed myself that hard, I would likely burn out before summer.

So, I didn't just study at home. As before, I played games in my free time or watched YouTube to improve my cooking skills.

"How is it? Is it good? This is my first attempt at making japchae."

"It's so, so delicious!"

"Can’t you give a more detailed review? You always just say it’s delicious..."

"But it is delicious... Come here. I'll show you how delicious it is!"

—Smooch!

She called me over, then stood up from her seat mid-meal and came to me. Heena hugged my neck and kissed me deeply. Tasting the japchae on her lips and tongue, I felt reassured that I had done well.

Damn, I didn’t realize japchae was such a labor-intensive dish. I had just wanted to try it because I suddenly craved it, but it turned out to be quite challenging.

Still, seeing Heena enjoy the dish I had worked hard to prepare always made cooking worthwhile. I couldn't skip my cooking practice because of that satisfaction. Besides, if I didn’t cook, we’d have to rely on takeout.

Given my daily routine, there wasn’t much opportunity for money to go out. Even when buying cooking ingredients, I used my mom’s card.

As a result, I had saved up quite a bit, enough to afford a trip to Japan with Heena. Of course, if I suggested it, Heena would likely want to contribute too.

But I couldn’t decide on a trip on my own; I needed to consider Heena's schedule, so I decided against a pointless surprise.

It would be fun to plan the trip together after discussing it properly.

It should have been fun.

"......."

As our second anniversary approached, Heena's complexion darkened more and more. It wasn't because she was dissatisfied with me; she stayed close to me, looking somber.

"Is something wrong?"

I asked out of concern.

"No... you study. I'll stay quiet..."

"O-okay..."

She clung to my back like a cicada, even though I roughly knew her cycle and it wasn't that time of the month. Moreover, even when it was, she didn't usually get this down.

It couldn't have been just that.

After a few days of her being like this, I contacted Lia. She had been getting along well with Heena and had met me a few times, so we had exchanged contact information.

[Han Yeonho: Is something going on with Heena at school? She's been in a strange state lately...]

[Park Lia: Huh? I thought something was up with you two... She did well on her exams but has been in a bad mood lately...ㅠㅠㅠ]

[Han Yeonho: Really? Hmm... Thanks anyway.]

[Park Lia: No problem :) It’s a relief that it’s not an issue between you two! When Heena feels better, let’s have a drink together!]

[Han Yeonho: Sure, sounds good.]

But since Lia didn't know the reason either, I was even more puzzled. Heena and I had been enjoying ourselves, even playing Jenga recently, and she had done well on her midterms. There weren't any family issues either.

What could the reason be?

After agonizing over it, with our second anniversary just around the corner, I decided to ask Heena directly. I wouldn't let it slide and would keep asking until she answered.

"Heena."

"Yes...?"

Even today, she clung to my arm, looking despondent. She seemed more anxious than weak.

"Our second anniversary is coming up soon."

"......"

"So, how about we go on a trip together?"

I had heard that booking a trip to Japan even a few months in advance was manageable, especially since it was the off-season. I could make the reservation immediately if she agreed.

I thought she wouldn't refuse my proposal, no matter how down she was.

But.

"...No."

"Huh? You don’t want to?"

I was taken aback by her firm grip on my arm and refusal. It was the first time she directly rejected something I proposed.

I started feeling anxious, wondering if she had a problem with me.

Looking up at me with a sorrowful face, Heena said.

"Can we... Can we just stay home on our anniversary?"

"You want to have a home date?"

"Yes... I just want to stay together that day. Not go anywhere, just the two of us at home."

"Really?"

It happened to be a weekend, so being together all day wasn't an issue. While Heena preferred spending special occasions having private time rather than doing something extravagant, I didn't expect it to be the same for our second anniversary.

Last year, she had suggested skipping any special plans for our first anniversary since we needed to study.

Suddenly, I wondered if her recent mood had to do with that. This was the first time she brought up her opinion since she started feeling down.

"Is your bad mood lately because of our anniversary?"

"......."

She kept her lips tightly shut, but that silence confirmed my suspicion.

"Honestly, I have no clue... Can you tell me why you're so concerned about that day?"

I gently lifted her face, trying to ask as softly as possible. Still, Heena kept her mouth closed. I gave her a light kiss on the cheek.

—Smooch.

Then, I stroked her cheek, trying to coax her into talking.

"I’ve been really looking forward to a trip with you. We've been working hard, so I thought we could take a break for a couple of days."

"......."

"If a trip feels burdensome, we can stay home. But you seem so stressed. Can you tell me what’s going on?"

"It's not that it’s burdensome..."

"Really?"

"...You know, I..."

Finally, she started to speak. I leaned in close, listening intently to her every word. Slowly, her small mouth began to move.

"A few days ago, I had a dream..."

"Was it a scary dream?"

"Yes... On our second anniversary date, I went out to meet you, and..."

"Yes."

"While waiting, you... sob... got into an accident on the way..."

She started crying suddenly as she told me about it. Despite that, I didn't make a fuss and wiped her tears with the back of my hand, waiting for her to finish.

Honestly, I felt a bit relieved inside.

It seemed it was just because of a bad dream, not because something was actually wrong. It was surprising to see how much Heena was affected by something like that.

"And then... hiccup... you... you..."

"Was I badly hurt?"

"You... sob, sob... you died..."

"Me?"

"Sob... yes... hiccup... and I couldn't see you anymore..."

Even though it was just a dream, she spoke as if it had really happened, crying sorrowfully.

So, in that world, I had died!

"Don't cry. Shh. I'm right here beside you, okay?"

"Sob... Don't go anywhere... hiccup... Stay with me..."

"That's right. You were feeling anxious because of that? Thank you for telling me. Come here, I'll hold you."

Heena clung to me, burying her face in my chest and crying. I held her tight, patting her back, while my mind wandered with various thoughts.

I found it surprising that Heena could be so anxious over something like this.

I vaguely understood the feeling, having cried myself to sleep with my mom after a nightmare as a child.

But I had never been so anxious for days because of a dream. Usually, I felt better after waking up.

Yet, seeing Heena this emotional, except during s*x, was rare, so I didn't think she was lying to cover up the truth.

Maybe she had accumulated anxiety from living away from her family, even though we had been living together since the beginning. Was that why she dreamt of me dying?

Despite thinking we spent more time together than any other couple in the world, she still felt anxious enough to have such dreams.

How could I reassure her more?

Would she feel more secure if I became her family? If I stamped my seal on a marriage certificate and officially became hers.

Hmm.

I had a feeling it might get worse if we got married, but surely not, right?

I had such silly thoughts briefly, then stopped and focused on finding ways to comfort Heena again.

Author’s Note:

As long as I have my readers, I don’t need a girlfriend! I love you all!!!!

Oh... why are tears in my eyes...

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