Merchant Crab

Balthazar rested on his cushion, staring pensively at his money pouch lying on the ground in front of him.

[Bag of Holding Money (6668)]

As his mind wandered in thought, his left silver pincer idly played with a coin.

Was the crab self-centered? He’d like to think not, but not once had he considered the possibility of his choices and actions negatively impacting those around him.

Could Tom’s tales be believed? Had there been others before him who gained access to that blasted system who weren’t meant to? And if so, did they truly meet a tragic ending together with those around them?

“I mean,” Balthazar said, with an empty stare at the ground, “the skeleton could just be telling fairy tales, myths, or simply be wrong.”

He hopped up from the pillow, still flicking the coin between his pincer.

“And even if they were true, who’s to say they didn’t disappear of their own accord? Maybe they just took off and went on a permanent vacation to somewhere nicer… right?”

He began pacing back and forth in front of his tent.

“Although I don’t really see why anyone would ever do that. Traveling sounds like such a chore. But there’s people up for the strangest things out there.”

He stopped and pinched the coin, eyes still fixed on the ground.

“I’m losing focus here. Where was I? Right! If, for the sake of argument, we assume there’s truth to the tales, and bad things did happen to those who used something they shouldn’t, what could I even do? Nobody told me not to touch… it. I’m just a crab, touching things. How could I be blamed for it? Crab see, crab pinch. That’s just nature.”

He began pacing again, faster.

“What could I even do if some form of… I don’t know, consequences came knocking? I’m sure I could deal with it. I’m not scared, but what if something happened to someone else who lives here? Or maybe even Madeleine? I’m sure that Rye boy can take care of himself. I’m not worrying about him. That’s asking for too much.”

The crab kept flicking the coin back and forth even faster.

“I don’t want the responsibility for that on my shoulders. I don’t even have shoulders to bear it! And what has this system ever brought of good to my life? Excluding the ability to speak. And make money. And get pastries. And read. And a spiffy set of claws and shell... Alright, whatever, despite all that, it also brings me a lot of headache. Maybe I’d be better off just stopping, not push my luck any further, and leave the damnable thing alone?”

The coin slipped from his pincer and fell on the sand.

“What do you think I should do?” Balthazar asked, picking up the coin.

The golem sitting by the shore gave him a shrug. “Friend?”

“Ah, maybe that’s what I should do. If I just lie low, don’t touch anything else I shouldn’t, nothing weird or bad will happen.”

Balthazar placed the coin back in the bag and raised his silver pincer to his silver monocle, dislodging it from his eye and unhooking the chain from his shell.

“That includes you, old pal. No spying any hidden information through you. I’ll have to do it the old-fashioned way. I’m sure I’ve grown enough as a merchant to do it fine.”

Stepping inside his tent, he lifted the cover over his hiding hole and gently placed the Monocle of Examination next to the Scroll of Character Creation.

After covering it all up again, the crab stepped back outside. Looking at the corner of his vision, he tried his best to ignore the blinking notification of his level up.

Considering how much that thing had been malfunctioning lately, he didn’t want to risk even bring it up anymore.

“Back to nature!” Balthazar declared, stretching his arms and inhaling deeply. “No more artificial enhancements. Just pure business crab now.”

Crossing the bridge cheerfully, the crab waved at Druma and Blue, who were playing by the shore. The goblin had at least been wise enough to stop using his fingers to play with her since she suddenly grew up, and instead now played a slightly less dangerous game of catch with the drake.

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The green goblin gave him a wave back, while the blue lizard gave him nothing but an indifferent glare.

“Bah, you’ll come around eventually,” Balthazar said, shrugging off the petulant creature’s behavior.

Arriving at his trading post, the merchant tidied up some bottles while checking for spots in need of dusting.

“No need for silly little letters and number in front of my eyes,” he said to himself. “I know all my goods like the back of my claw. And I’ve done hundreds of trades by now. I totally got this.”

The bell by the entrance rang.

“Hello!”

Turning around towards the sound, Balthazar saw a man in leather armor standing next to the bell, his hand still holding the rope attached to it.

“You realize you didn’t need to ring that since I’m right here, don’t you?”

“Oh, uh, sorry,” the man said, letting go of the rope. “I just saw a bell and felt compelled to ring it.”

“Yes, I’ve noticed people really like to do that,” said the crab, stepping forward to meet the man in the middle.

He instinctively squinted at the adventurer for a moment, before realizing he could not see the usual level and class above the other’s head.

This was fine for him. It didn’t matter, anyway. So long as he had gold, who cared what level the individual was. And his class was probably… something fight-y. He had a set of generic leather armor, a generic sword, and everything else about him was also generic. Likely not a wizard, that much the crab felt confident about. Unless swords could cast spells, too? He wondered if that had ever been a thing.

“Anyway,” Balthazar said, trying to push aside his other thoughts, “what can I do for you today?”

“I got this here thing yesterday.” The man pulled a large bow from his pack and presented it to the merchant. “I can tell it’s enchanted, but don’t know what it’s supposed to do. Either way, I’m not much of a bow guy, so was hoping you’d give me something good for it.”

The crab looked at the ranged weapon in front of his eyes. It had a clear magical glow to it, but he had no idea what enchantment it was. Perfect timing to not be wearing his monocle.

“Hmm, right, I see,” Balthazar said, attempting to look knowledgeable and thoughtful. “Very interesting weapon, indeed. Could be worth something. Maybe not too much, though.”

“Great,” said the adventurer. “What does it do, anyway?”

The crab stared at the man.

Sometimes, it was very difficult not to hate adventurers.

“It shoots arrows, my friend,” Balthazar said in a plain tone. “You want money or items for it?”

“Oh, hmm, I don’t know,” the other said. “I was thinking about maybe getting a secondary weapon.”

“Sounds good. What kind of weapon do you want?”

“That’s the thing,” the man said while scratching the top of his head. “I can’t figure out what would be a good choice. Do you have any suggestions?”

The crab felt like he was being played a joke on. He would have little trouble suggesting a weapon to him, had he any idea what class the man was at all.

“Sure thing,” Balthazar said while grinding his mouth parts.

Opening a drawer with an abrupt move, the merchant retrieved a crude metal fork from within. “Here’s a good one for you.”

“Isn’t… isn’t that just a fork?” the generic adventurer reluctantly asked.

“Just a fork? No, no, you don’t know what you’re talking about. This here is a multipurpose tool! Got in a fight and dropped your weapon? Stick one of these in your enemy’s eye and it’s guaranteed to do a lot of damage. Can’t open a locked door? Try ramming this in the lock. It might do the trick. Trying to eat a steak with your hands? Savagery! Use a fork. Great for eating pie too, if you’re one of those hand-having creatures.”

“Oh…” the other said, looking slightly confused about the crab’s words.

“Multipurpose fork! Endless possibilities! You really should take it. You won’t regret it.”

“If it has so many uses, maybe I should? But I still feel like that doesn’t really cover the entire value of an enchanted bow, right?”

“Oh, fine, I’ll throw 10 gold in there to sweeten the deal. Happy?”

The man squinted as he looked up, before finally reaching a decision. “Alright, deal!”

“Great!” the impatient crab said, tossing the bow on a nearby rack and shoving the fork into the man’s hand before counting ten coins out of his bag. “All sales are final. Thank you!”

“Wow, hang on, I still had more I wanted to sell.”

With his eye stalks sagging in frustration, Balthazar turned back to the man.

“Of course. What else will it be?”

“I got this from some fancy chest, but I got no use for it,” the adventurer explained, while pulling a long robe from his pack. It was scintillating and its color seemed to shift between blue and purple depending on the angle that light hit it at. It emanated a pure aura of magic to it, and whatever material it was made of, Balthazar had seen nothing like it before.

The defeated merchant stared at the piece of magical clothing held in front of him.

“What do I look like to you, an appraiser?”

The man looked at the crab with a confused expression.

“It means someone who assesses things for others.”

The adventurer squinted slowly.

Balthazar took a deep breath.

“It’s someone who looks at thing, and tells what thing is.”

“Ooooh! Gotcha, alright,” the other finally said. “And no, you don’t look like one. At least I don’t think so? Do abrasivers usually have claws?”

The merchant released a sigh, along with a portion of his will to live.

“Just… just forget I asked,” the crab said. “Have you considered putting the robe on to find out what it does?”

“This thing?” He skeptically looked at the piece of clothing in his hands. “No way, it looks ridiculous!”

“It’s not about the looks of it, it’s… Just never mind that either.”

“Do you think it has some kind of protection enchantment?” the man asked, eyes widening.

“Could be, I guess?”

“Maybe it’s a fire protection enchantment? I could use one of those.”

“It could be a lot of things. But if you need protection from fire,” Balthazar said, while turning to a nearby shelf, “I got some potions for that around here somewhere. Ah, there they are.”

As he turned back to the adventurer, he found him hunched over the robe on the floor, holding a small lit torch against the fabric.

“What the hell are you doing?!” the crab yelled.

“I’m trying to find out if it has fire protection,” the other said, looking up from the floor and letting the flame touch the robe, which quickly caught on fire.

“Are you stupid?!” Balthazar yelled, as he quickly grabbed a bucket and ran to fill it from the pond.

Rushing back with it, the merchant dumped the water over the smoldering robe, which was now mostly destroyed.

“Oh,” said the adventurer, with a dumb expression on his face. “I guess it was a different enchantment.”

Balthazar put the bucket down, rage shaking the inside of his shell.

“Just get out of here, before your burn this whole place down.”

He did not need a monocle or a system to know whatever level or class the adventurer was, his Intelligence stat was stupidly low.

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