Memory Lost

Chapter 43: Perhaps It’s You

The East side gradually reveals the marble white color of dawn.

The propellers continue spinning above their heads and many people are running on the aircraft parking ground in a hurry. Zhou Xiao Zhuan hops off of a helicopter and immediately spots Xu Si Bai, whom he has not seen for a long while, standing not far away.

Xiao Zhuan runs over.

“Forensic Investigator Xu!”

Xu Si Bai is wearing a khaki color jacket. His features look even more handsome and fair white in the morning sky.

“Where’s she?” his eyes are still watching the other helicopters landing and taking off.

“She’s already on a helicopter,” Xiao Zhuan answers, “She should be arriving soon. It’s just that……she’s injured and unconscious.” He takes a peek at Xu Si Bai’s expression after finishing. But he can’t tell what he’s thinking.

Another helicopter descends slowly.

Its door whooshes open. Two SWAT members jump down first.

As soon as Xu Si Bai and Xiao Zhuan see what’s happening on the helicopter, they are stunned.

Bai Jin Xi is lying on a stretcher. Her eyes are closed, clearly in a state of unconsciousness, but clear marks of tears are on her face. Han Chen is lying on his stomach on her stretcher with his head leaning towards the side of her face. His eyes are also closed and not budging.

“The guy is also unconscious!” someone shouts.

“Stretcher! Stretcher!”

Someone lifts Han Chen up immediately and away from Bai Jin Xi’s side and puts him onto another stretcher. Xiao Zhuan rushes over right away, but Forensic Investigator Xu is even faster than him. He dashes to Bai Jin Xi’s stretcher in a few steps and follows her closely. Xiao Zhuan watches him, lets out a sigh in his heart, and chases after him.

_____

Outside of the emergency room.

Bai Jin Xi and Han Chen are pushed inside one after the other. The rest of the officers are stopped outside.

Xiao Zhuan, Chatterbox, and Cold Face all sit down and wait. After a while, Chatterbox nudges Xiao Zhuan with his elbow and says softly, “Forensic Investigator loves for our Xiao Bai for real.”

Xiao Zhuan looks up and sees that Xu Si Bai is still standing outside of the emergency room doors by himself. He stares through the glass windows in full concentration.

They hear the sound of high heels walking through the hallway suddenly. Everybody turns to look.

It’s Xin Jia.

She’s wearing a loose sweater and a blue long skirt. Her long hair is spread across her shoulders, making her look even more gentle and pretty. She stops right in front of Chatterbox with full of anxiousness, “How is Han Chen?”

Chatterbox clears his throat lightly, stands up and answers, “Leader has gone into the emergency room. We’re not too sure about his condition.”

Xin Jia bites hard on her lip, causing it to fade in color.

At this moment, a doctor comes out and walks past everyone. Xin Jia pulls onto him immediately, “Doctor! How is Han Chen doing?”

The doctor is of age and his facial features are dignified. He answers impatiently, “How is he? You’re asking about the injured man, right? He has lost too much blood, serious exhaustion, inflammation, and a fever! Even the strongest person can’t bare all of this! Thank goodness that his life is not in danger, but he’s in a lot of pain!”

Xin Jia is full of tears immediately.

“Doctor, how about Bai Jin Xi?” Xu Si Bai takes a step forward.

Xin Jia glances at him and doesn’t say anything.

The old doctor turns to look at Xu Si Bai and answers, “The injured woman is in a better condition. Although she is vomiting blood, her main organs are not wounded. We have already used medication to stop the internal bleeding. She should be okay after resting a few weeks.”

_____

At night.

Han Chen and Bai Jin Xi have been taken to their own sick rooms. It’s just that they haven’t woken up yet.

Since it’s confirmed that they are okay, the members of the Black Shield Team return to the office to continue working on T’s case.

Xiao Zhuan is reluctant to leave the hospital. He wants to take one last look at the two of them. But when he arrives at Bai Jin Xi’s room, he sees Xu Si Bai sitting by her bedside, holding onto one of her hands, staring at her, and maintaining his position without moving. Jin Xi is in deep sleep and looking peaceful.

Xiao Zhuan backs away from the room without making a sound.

When he arrives at Han Chen’s room, he sees the beautiful woman, Xin Jia, curled up on the sofa beside the patient’s bed. She’s already asleep. Han Chen, who’s lying on the bed not far away, is also in a deep sleep.

The scene from the mountaintop flashes across Xiao Zhuan’s mind——

Bai Jin Xi has her back towards Han Chen as she walks away in tears. And Han Chen watches her with those eyes of his.

And then seeing what’s happening now. Xiao Zhuan feels a bit awkward about it. He sighs again before turning around to leave.

_____

Han Chen keeps having dreams. His mind is hazy, with many unclear thoughts floating across.

He is dreaming about that blurry woman whom he cannot catch. She lifts her head and smiles at him, and he hears himself say, “Let’s get married after you graduate. I won’t marry anyone else but you in my life.”

He even sees Bai Jin Xi in his dream; the real she. In the dream, he embraces and kisses her continuously like how he did on the helicopter just now. He feels the warmth through the strands of her hair. Her lips and her tongue are like a mysterious source of sweetness, captivating him, making him want more and more of her.

……

He has always known that he likes this woman.

But he also knows very well the principles that he should abide——

Which is no matter how much he, Han Chen, likes her, he must not be with her.

And over time, he likes her more and more, and he represses his feelings more and more. It’s the first time in the past few years that he is becoming more and more unable to control himself.

And therefore, on the helicopter today, after listening to her mumbling and crying about feeling wronged and wanting to let go of her feelings for him, a strong and deep desire to be tender to her crossed his heart instantly and broke his rationality. The feeling surged through his bones and veins deeply. He couldn’t control it, nor did he want to.

He lowered his head and kissed her.

He even didn’t want to let go.

……

He has always followed his rational thinking.

But for some things, he insists on following his instincts.

For example, when he woke up four years ago, everyone denied “her” existence, but he insisted strongly on believing that she must have existed. All because of the deeply ingrained emotions he felt for her surpassed all other evidence.

And……

He, Han Chen, has never been a wavering man. So why is he having the same strong feelings and affections for another woman? To the point that he can no longer control his passionate desire to have her?

…….

Perplexed, sweetness, guilt, desire……and many more strong emotions crisscrossing his heart, causing his mind to be immersed in chaos.

And the many fragmented images and voices flashing across his dreams continuously——

Him sitting in the resource room at the Guanhu station, flipping through Bai Jin Xi’s profile. 24 years old, born and raised in Jiangcheng, graduated from the Shahu Police Academy. He thinks to himself, there’s nothing special about this woman.

Him embracing her while they ride on a motorcycle, speeding through the alleyways of Jiangcheng. He feels her hair brushing across his face, and he feels the warm and soft delicate body in his embrace. As if he’s possessed, he actually doesn’t want to let go.

Him standing far away at the noisy cafeteria of the station. He sees Xin Jia staring at Bai Jin Xi with a complicated look.

He and Bai Jin Xi at the Black Shield Team’s office listening to T’s request: “I want Han Chen and Bai Jin Xi to be participants of the competition.”

“Things should end where they started. It was my first case five years ago. I’m sorry.”

……

“Bai Jin Xi……Jin Xi……” he murmurs her name wanting to open his eyes, but he falls into deep sleep again.

He’s not the only one in the room.

The lights are off. The dim lighting from the hallway shines through the window, but the room is dark like dusk.

Xin Jia, who’s lying on the sofa, has already opened her eyes. She stares blankly at Han Chen who’s lying on the bed.

She watches his handsome face frown from dreaming and listens to him murmur another woman’s name repeatedly.

Xin Jia stares at him like this for a long time and then her tears begin to flow.

She gets up, walks to his bedside, and squats down.

She grabs one of his hand lightly and holds it in both of her hands tightly.

“Han Chen……” she says softly, “You’ll never be able to have her, Han Chen.”

She wipes her tears with her hand and says slowly, “Why can’t you understand this? Whether it’s the first time or for a second time, the outcome will not change.”

_____

Late night at Black Shield Team’s office.

Qin Wen Long has brought along a few experienced criminal investigators and is working with Chatterbox and the others on finalizing T’s case.

Chatterbox raises a question, “If we say that T’s motive was to avenge Gu Ran as well as punishing the group of serial killers who had been hidden on the mountain, then what was the reason for him to snipe the other five?”

A criminal investigator says, “He was punishing the evil either way. He started with the small ones, and then finished the big one.”

Qin Wen Long disagrees, “I don’t think he did it for just that. Turn on the computer and take a look. Because of the previous cases, look at how much attention T’s case is getting from the internet and the media? We haven’t made a public announcement on the details of the case, but we’ll have to do it sooner or later. We can all probably imagine how much impact this case will be. It’ll definitely shake the whole nation.”

Xiao Zhuan nods pensively, “It’s just like what Xiao Bai said. If T only wanted to kill some people, it would have been very simple. But his goal was to make them feel fright. He wanted to pin them onto the highest pole of shame. Therefore, not only did he plan intricately on punishing these people, he also stirred up the public’s emotions one step at a time. If he had simply brought light to the Wulin Mountain case, there probably wouldn’t have been this much attention.”

Chatterbox flips through his recording documents and says, “Le Luo Xia, Fang Xu, and the others mentioned a phrase that T had said: ‘if a person’s heart is blinded by filthiness, what do we have to do to let it return to its pure state?’”

Everyone is quiet.

Therefore, this was T’s goal?

Expose the filthiest heart in the world.

“There’s one more thing,” Cold Face, who has been quiet all this time, says suddenly.

Everyone looks towards him.

“T mentioned this in the end: ‘he was one of the serial killers from five years ago.’ And he apologized to Han Chen. What big cases were there five years ago?”

Everyone looks at each other. At the end, all their eyes fall onto Qin Wen Long, the highest authority in the room.

Qin Wen Long shakes his head, “Han Chen was still in Beijing five years ago. How would I know what cases he handled at the time?”

“When he wakes up tomorrow, let’s go and ask,” Chatterbox says.

Everyone nods.

Xiao Zhuan says suddenly, “That’s not right. If T selected the participants in order to apologize for the case from five years ago, then why did he ask Xiao Bai to go? Xiao Bai was still in the police academy five years ago, and she couldn’t have handled the same case as Han Chen.”

Everyone falls into deep thoughts.

Yeah, then why?

_____

Morning of next day.

Han Chen opens his eyes and the first he sees is an unfamiliar nurse. She is taking his temperature. She smiles and says, “Mr. Officer, your fever has subsided and so has your inflammation. How are you feeling? Your head shouldn’t be feeling dizzy anymore. Are you feeling better now?”

Han Chen doesn’t respond.

He looks around and sees Chatterbox and Cold Face standing by the bed. They smile seeing him opening his eyes.

There’s nobody else in the room.

She’s not here.

But seeing their expressions, she must be fine just like him.

He can’t help feeling cheerful inside his heart. He retrieves his gaze and continues staring at the ceiling.

Chatterbox makes eye contact with Cold Face and says softly, “Leader hasn’t become stupid from the fever, has he? How come he’s still in a daze?”

Cold Face answers firmly, “Impossible!”

It’s after his response that Han Chen finally looks at them again.

“I’m just thinking about some things,” he says indifferently.

“Oh……” Chatterbox feels relief.

All of a sudden, Han Chen presses his hands on the bed and sits himself up. He’s actually thinking of getting out of his bed. The nurse is struck dumb for a second before she stops him quickly, “You can’t get out of bed yet!” Chatterbox and Cold Face hurries over. Chatterbox says, “Leader, what are you doing? Lie down. Just let us know what you need.”

Han Chen rips the needle from his arm and throws it aside, “Take me to see Bai Jin Xi.”

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