Chapter 562: The Lantern against Loneliness
Carey beat Alex to the punch.
After his speech thanking everyone and the celebration that followed; once the bubbling winehoneyed milk in Selinas casewas done, Khalik and the dryads, Thundar, Isolde, Svenia and Hogarth went on their way, and the others got to work preparing for the next day. After all, there were discounts to honour.
Alex joined Troy and Lorraine in the kitchen and with help from a small army of Wizards Hands, the baking began. Carey had ordered a couple of apple tartssaying they reminded her of home in better timesso in no time, he put baking sheets in the oven then went to give her an update on how long it would be before her tarts were ready. The dining area was all abuzz, Claygon, Theresa, and Selina were busy getting it back to as sparkling as it was mere hours before.
Carey came toward him with the same forlorn look on her face and cleared her throat. Alex, might we speak a little in private. I was hoping to have a bit of a chat.
I was about to ask you the same thing, he said.
Truly? She looked surprised.
Yeah, you had this look on your face. It seemed like you might want to talk about something.
Well, youre not wrong on that account.
Do you want to talk here or upstairs?
Here is fine, just in a little corner of the room, perhaps? she said.
Of course. Alex gestured for her to follow him to a seat by the front window.
On the way, he threw Theresa a meaningful glance, and she nodded in return.
He pulled a chair from the table and offered Carey a seat, then sat across from her. The young woman from Wrexiff shifted uncomfortably. Ioh this seems silly, now that I bring it up.
Hey, you thought it was important enough to bring it to me, so Ill listen, Alex said.
Well, first of allI must ask about the bakery. I heard the most curious of rumours on the way here.
Oh, that. Alex snorted. Well, lets just say we had a wild opening.
For a time, they talked about simple things. Alex told her what had happened that morning: the opening, Goverts attempted sabotage, all of it. She nodded along, more than a little surprised.
Then anger entered her eyes. Those that spread falsehoods are the ultimate form of wretch, she said with heat. Im glad he met justice.
From there, the subject shifted to the expedition: they spoke of their roles, and upcoming experiments planned for the dungeon cores.
I suspect Professor Jules has something in mind for live dungeon core testing, she whispered. You must have seen the facility being built north of the castle? It looks ever so much like a prison, and I suspect that is exactly what it is: a vast holding cell for a live dungeon core.
Alex nodded, remembering the building. Its probably either for that, or maybe live Ravener-spawn, he said. Maybe both. If thats her plan, though, she hasnt said anything to me about it.
Truly? Carey appeared surprised. You two seem so terribly close: I would have thought youd be the first to know.
Oh no, we are close, I guess you could say, but Professor Jules is still all about protocol. If shes got something planned for live dungeon cores, Ill find out when procedure dictates I should find out and not a moment sooner.
Indeed she said, smiling wryly. I simply thoughtwell, you seem to be closer to her is all. Forgive me, if that was presumptuous on my part. You seem to make friends so easily, after all
She paused, for a moment.
At first, Alex didnt know quite what to say. He didnt consider himself that good at making friends: there were plenty of school mates back in Alric that disliked him. Hed never been a favourite of McHarris, or even liked for that matter, andwhile many students in his classes knew him by reputationhe wasnt exactly friends with everyone he met.
Then again, he had put plenty of effort into making connections with people that mattered: it had been a survival tactic back in Alric. He supposed that could look like a natural ability to win friends to someone looking in from the outside.
Alex opened his mouth to comment, but Carey spoke first. AlexI was wonderingcould you tell me more about the Traveller: Alrics patron saint?
The young wizard sucked on his lip for a moment, completely caught off-guard. Uhm, I meansure, no problem, but what brought that on?
I simplywell, I simply would like to know more. I know you said in the past that you were planning to pray to her in Uldars stead. Did you ever do so? I have heard you use her name to swear by, and in casual conversation, so I did wonder if you happened to also worship her as you said you would.
Truthfully, yes, I have been, Alex said. Shes been looking out for me, in more ways than one.
I seeand did you find that comforting? Do you find it comforting? Do you find she is a good replacement for Uldar? she whispered, desperation in her voice.
Alex blinked. He hadnt expected things to get so heavy so quickly. Well he said slowly, choosing his words carefully. There was no possible way he could tell her a large part of the truth: his faith in Uldar had started to fade shortly after hed been Marked as the Fool.
But, there were aspects of the truth he could talk about.
Ill be honest, Carey, Uldar wasnt ever a major part of my life, he said. I mean, I prayed to himespecially at my parents gravesand I went to church up until the time the Ravener attacked. But I was never the guy that made him the central part of his life, not in the way you did.
He took a deep breath. So, its not so much that the Traveller replaced him. With Uldar, I prayed to him because Iwell I never thought about it. Its just what I always did. But the Traveller? I honestly pray to her because I think she deserves my prayers and respect because she protects me, my family and my friends.
Silence hung in the air.
Isee she said slowly, her head hanging. I was hoping
Whats been happening, Carey? Alex asked.
When she looked at him again, tears shone in her eyes. I just feel so terribly lonely.
You mean, without Uldar?
Oh, its so much more than that now, Alex. Ive been awfully isolated since I found out about the dungeon cores, and its only grown worse. Her hands balled into fists. When I came to the university, it was for Uldar and Thameland, andif I am completely honestit was more for Uldar and Thameland than it was for me. I truly thought that the most noble thing I could do in my lifefor my god and countrywas use my mana to defeat our ultimate enemy.
She scowled. Then I came to find out that the wolf that has been taking sheep, is most likely the hound that belongs to the very farmer I shepherd for. Its taken all the comfort out of going to chapel. Im sure its no surprise to anyone that all of my friends were from Campus for Uldar. But I havent been able to bring myself to go anywhere near there.
The young woman swallowed. Now, I believe they are shunning me, somewhat. One of them actually said that I lost the dedication that drew them to me in the first place: and theyre right. But, byUl she paused. But by I-dont-know-what, I thought they were truly my friends.
I he shifted uncomfortably, somewhat at a loss as to what to say. Im sorry to hear that, Carey. What about Derek? I know you two were hanging out, and he was no Uldarite.
He spoke the words cautiously, wondering if the young man was getting ready to take advantage of her, much as hed taken advantage of Isolde.
But Carey simply shook her head. I havent seen him in months. He was in a spot of academic trouble last year, and had to withdraw to focus on his studies as best he could, though he seemed rather cross about it. Sometimes I question whether he even likes it at the university. But that really is none of my business: we met for tea a couple of times in the last month or two and the silence between us was terribly awkward. We just hadlittle to talk about. Sometimes I wonder if I truly ever had friends at all.
Alex winced. Well, theres us?
Carey gave him an incredulous look, then immediately collapsed into helpless, bitter laughter.
What? he asked. Whatd I say? Whats so funny?
Come now, Alex, are we truly friends? she asked. Its not lost on me that you used to go to terrible lengths to avoid me.
The young wizard froze, a wave of guilt forming in his chest. Well, uh he paused, trying to think of what to say.
She waved a hand, dismissing his words. Its alright, Alex; even I realised it, after a time. You were very polite, and I do appreciate that, but it always felt like you were a deer trying to escape from a trap. And, to be honest, if your relationship with Uldar was so lacking, I can see why. My speeches about him must have been absolutely torturous. II apologise for that.
Carey, Carey, its okay, he said quickly, his guilt feeling like a lead ball in his core.
He wasnt going to lie and say that her early attempts to drag him into Campus for Uldar werent irritating; theyd annoyed the hell out of him at the time, that much was true, but a lot of the reason for his irritation came from the fact he was Marked.
Without knowing it, every attempt shed made to get him inside a church of Uldar in Generasi, would have put him in danger of discovery and ultimately, capture. She didnt know that. She couldnt know that.
And there was no way he could tell her that.
Alex knew Carey, that much was true, but she was in a crisis at the moment. How would she react if he told her he was the Fool? His friends had pretty much accepted the information calmlyexcept for Cedricbut he didnt know Carey that well, andwhile she seemed to be moving away from Uldarhed seen people return to toxic relationships because of fear of being alone.
And right now?
Carey was very much alone.
He sighed. Look, Im sorry if I wasstandoffish before, or distant. Its like you said, I was going through my own thing with Uldar. AndI didnt think going to Campus for Uldar was what I wanted at the time. But look, now we have something in common: we both controlled dungeon cores, and weve both had to question our own gods motives because of that.
Alex pointed to himself. So if you ever need someone to talk toabout that or anything else, I can be that guy. Youre a good person, Carey. And youre a damned brave one: most people would have quit the expedition after the castle was attackedafter you and I were targeted.
Well, thank you, I supposeI still want to serve Thameland, even if its not for Uldars sake she said slowly. Im still willing to give anything for the cause: whether the Ravener is some wild wolf or Uldars hound, it must be vanquished forever. And I am willing to do anything to see that happenbut I simply wish that there was less of a hole where my comfort from Uldar once was.
Well, lets see about filling that hole again: are you looking to pray to the Traveller? he asked. I thought you were thinking of praying to St. Avelyn.
She blushed. Well, to tell you the truth, AlexI tried to pray to St. Avelyn. But I felt nothing, just as when I prayed to Uldar. So, I tried calling on the TravellerandI had just the warmest feeling. Like a blanket wrapped around me.
Alex couldnt even hide his glee.
Hannah was reaching out in her own way. Still trying. Still fighting. Still protecting. And in one fell swoop, he knew he could offer Carey some comfort, while bringing more power to Hannah.
With an enthusiastic smile, he leaned forward. Listen, Im about to be a giant hypocrite. Because now Im going to be the one going on about who I worship. Ill tell you as much as I can He knew he couldnt tell her about the Travellers true origins. about who the Traveller was, and what she did for Thameland. In some ways, she was like you, she gave everything she could.
And so he told her about Hannah and all the things shed done for Alric, for Thameland, and for the future. He couldn't go into every detail, but he could speak of her life after her battle against the Ravener, and how she too had wanted to bring the cyclesto an end.
And he told Carey of howin the endshe had given her very life in her quest to end the cycles.
For her part, she listened like an enraptured child going to sermon for the first time, hanging on Alexs every word. He was already wondering if Hannah just might have a new convert.
By the end of his tale, Careys eyes had grown warm.
Light lay in them.
Her face softened.
Before his very eyes, her loneliness seemed to fade away.
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