Imperfect Desires

Chapter 814 - Cold Bodies

After finishing her cupcakes all in go, Xiu placed the tray aside before she tried to stand up.

"Sweets," called out Darren as he held her arm. "Don't force yourself."

Xiu shook her head at him, "I have to force myself though." Saying that she sat on the side of his bed with much difficulty and breathed out, "How can I be tired so easily? I just replenished my energy with so much sugar."

Darren touched her hair lovingly as he looked worried about her, "I'm still thinking how did you even manage to eat a dozen cupcake all on your own?"

"I shared," she retorted. Seeing Darren's frown, she patted her stomach, "I shared with our son. Don't just look at me. I'm eating for two people now."

"That's a very good excuse to hide the fact that you are a foodie," said Darren.

Xiu didn't argue with him and silently laid down beside him with her head placed on his chest. Listening to his rhythmic heartbeat, Xiu closed her eyes. Darren continued to run his fingers through her hair which she found soothing.

"Sweets, do you have something to say to me?"

"Why do you think I have something to say?"

"Because you're my Sweets," he replied making her lips curve up slightly. "But the question is why are you thinking so much? Is there anything that's hard to say to me?"

Xiu was silent for a minute before saying, "No. On normal days, I won't hesitate to share it all with you. But now..."

"Are you worried about me?"

"Shouldn't I be?" retorted Xiu.

Darren's fingers didn't stop as he said, "You can worry about me, but don't worry too much. I can handle anything you have to say. So, don't take it all alone. Share it with me. You'll feel better."

Xiu moved a little. Now her chin rested on his chest as she gazed up at him and said, "Regan, I'm finally free." She smiled brightly at him but he could see tears in her eyes that she was holding back. "I'm free from every shackle of my past or present. I don't have to feel disgusted with my existence anymore."

"What's going on?" he questioned apprehensively.

Xiu didn't hold herself back anymore as she told him everything that she learned today. Every single detail.

"That means, Xin Suyin wasn't your mother?" Xiu shook her head immediately. "And Chen Hana was also not your real mother?" She shook her head again. "Then who were your parents?"

"Who cares?" she retorted. "I'd prefer being a no-name orphan than having either of them as my real mother. Although Chen Hana gave me everything I needed in my life, she could never give me the family I wanted. She made me question just how exactly was I lacking that my own mother would not pay attention to me?" She took a deep breath and added, "As for Xin Suyin, I don't know whether I felt worse when I was told that she was my real mother or when I learned that she was also the woman who repeatedly tortured Destiny. While thinking that I was Xin Suyin's daughter, I felt like a criminal taking over Destiny's body and life."

She moved up and kissed his chin saying, "Now I don't have to live with any of these guilts. Now I can proudly say that I wasn't wrong! I never stole anyone's life."

Darren wrapped his arm around her waist tightly. He didn't know what he was feeling right now. He felt happy seeing her genuine smile but those tears couldn't hide the bitterness mixed in that happiness. Once again, she lost her identity. Just who exactly was Chen Xiu? And when she didn't have anything to do with all these people, why did she have to suffer in the end?

She drew circles on his chest with her finger as she said, "Although I hate Chen Hana as a mother, I can't say the same about her as a person. I did see her trying hard to earn money so that she could provide me with me everything. But since all I wanted was her time, I only focused on what she didn't give me; her time." She sighed out heavily, "I don't know if I should hate her for lying about who my mother was or not. Because she did it to save Chen Xiu. And from what I can remember, I'd have really died in that room if she hadn't lied. But her lie still took Chen Xiu's life."

"So, you really don't blame her?" asked Darren.

"Can I? retorted Xiu. "And even if I do blame her, would it change anything?" She scoffed to herself, "I never even realized that the woman I wanted to provide me with warmth had risen from under the cold bodies of her whole family. What do you think she'd have felt at that time?" Darren pressed his lips together since he had no answer for that. "I think she lost all her warmth with all the blood that she lost that night. She was already a broken person, how could she raise me as a whole?"

Xiu closed her eyes gently as she said, "Maybe she was also trying her best. While I was focused on myself, she must have also been fighting a battle of her own. It's such a shame that we both couldn't save each other. She didn't bring me close in fear of how she might also lose me as well one day and I never tried to learn what scared her so much."

Darren placed his hand on her head and asked, "Do you want me to find her? Maybe she'd be able to tell you something about your parents."

"It won't help," replied Xiu. "I don't think she knows anything."

"Why do you think so?"

"If she knew about them, she'd have long sent me to them." She exhaled a breath as she added, "And even if I find those parents, it'd be of no use now. It's already too late."

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