Imperfect Desires

580 Cheap Humanity

Oftentimes, if a lie is screamed loudly and repeatedly, it manages to wear the cloak of the truth. Xiu had experienced it first hand. Even though she didn't push Liu Nuan back than, even though all she did was stretch her hand to catch Liu Nuan instead but no matter what she said, couldn't compete with what people saw.

People tend to believe in what they see rather than what they hear. Her situation wasn't any different since everyone just wanted to find someone to blame and she was the easiest target.

Till this day, Xiu's body would turn cold at the reminder of how she saw Liu Nuan laying in the pool of blood, and everyone pointing fingers at her. At that very moment, she had already been declared a criminal whether guilty or not, who cared? Apparently, no one cared!

Liu Nuan spent a week in the hospital in a coma and during that one week, Xiu watched her world collapsing right before her eyes. The fans that claimed to love her turned their backs on her without even thinking. News of her being a mistress had reignited and this time, it exploded like a volcano because according to the general public, a mistress wouldn't want the legal wife to give birth to the heir before her.

Sometimes, she couldn't help laughing reading all the speculations that people came up with. Those people all talked and accused her as if they had seen the whole scene unfold right before their eyes. It was truly funny how easy it was to manipulate public opinion and at the same time, she found it really sad as well.

"The biggest problem with kind people is that they think everyone else has a good heart like theirs. But you're mistaken, Sister Xiu!"

Xiu would always ignore Han Bohai's words but she truly couldn't believe it when she faced it herself. She had donated her bone marrow to save Liu Nuan's life once, so when Liu Nuan woke up after a week, she visited her first.

She wanted to ask her to tell everyone that she didn't push her. However, she was really delusional to have such thoughts back then because...

....

When Chen Xiu entered the hospital room taking a chance, Liu Nuan had her eyes closed. Hearing the sound of the door, she opened her eyes expectantly but seeing Chen Xiu, her face darkened.

"What are you doing here?" Even though her voice was frail, Liu Nuan's sharp tone and disdain couldn't be overlooked.

Placing the bouquet and fruit basket at the table, Chen Xiu came to stand beside Liu Nuan's bed as she spoke up, "How are you feeling now?"

"As if you care!"

"I do care," said Chen Xiu surprising her own self and not just Liu Nuan. "I mean I never wished for you to get hurt in the first place." Those were her sincere words. She'd never wish for anything bad for anyone. That wasn't her character at all. She took a moment hesitating before she voiced out, "I'm very sorry for your loss."

"I didn't know you're... Pregnant. I genuinely am sorry for your loss." Xiu's nails were digging into her palms sharply now as she continued, "But we need to make one thing clear... You and I both know that I didn't push you down the stairs. I don't know how you fell down but it wasn't my fault."

Liu Nuan didn't say anything in response making Xiu even more anxious.

"Please, only you and I know the truth. But no one believes my word. But since you're the victim here, if you tell everyone that I didn't push you everything will clear up."

After a long moment of silence, Liu Nuan finally spoke up, "Why should I do that?"

Chen Xiu felt a strange ache in her heart as if she couldn't breathe. "Because as a human being, you should be helping another human being."

"Did you help me?" questioned Liu Nuan. "When I was falling, did you help me?" Chen Xiu felt choked up. "Even though you didn't push me, you didn't save me either. So, why should I clear this up for you? And who are you to me? It's not my job to help every person in need."

Chen Xiu didn't know whether to laugh or cry. This was the girl she helped back then without even thinking and now, she wanted a reason, to tell the truth? Did truth become that expensive these days or lies were way too cheap? No, it was the humanity that had become cheap now!

"No matter what, if someone is wrongly being convicted, you should be standing on the side of justice."

"I'm not a law enforcer. Why should I care about justice?"

"Are you even serious?" Chen Xiu couldn't believe what she heard.

"If you think that I'll let your heart get free of guilt, then you're wrong! You'll have to live with this guilt for life that I lost my child because of you. You'll have to live with the fact that even though you could help me, you didn't! Finally, you should be able to see the real face of yourself in the mirror! A selfish person, that's what you really are! No matter how many times you wear the gown of an angel, you're just a selfish person and nothing else!"

Chen Xiu clutched her chest trying to ease the ache that was rising continuously. She didn't know how she found her way out of there but somehow she was photographed in the hospital which led to another series of assumptions and accusations. However, this time no one heard anything from Chen Xiu's side.

Why?

When lies become too loud that they could distort the truth, even the person himself would end up believing in the lies. Eventually, that's exactly what happened to Chen Xiu whose mental health was already questionable. When people threw those lies at her face for so long, she actually ended up believing that she killed Liu Nuan's unborn child.

....

It had been years since then. In fact, it had been a lifetime in her case since she had gone through this bizarre phenomenon of rebirth. But what was the point when the trauma of that incident was so deep-rooted that no one could help it?

This trauma was the reason that she always felt cold at the mentioning of a kid. It gave birth to an anxiety disorder. Technically, she didn't hate kids, but perhaps, she had come to fear them instead. At that time, whatever lies her unstable mind absorbed, it had stuck with her even now. Even if she had a much better mental condition now, it wasn't enough to overcome something like that.

PTSD is no joke, to begin with, and when someone with depression and anxiety disorder has to go through it, it can play a deadly combination.

Just as Xiu had said to Darren, he was the only one keeping her sane in this life. Although this life seemed a lot better than the previous one, it was still filled with so many mysteries that played with her emotions and feelings. For now, she was doing her best to hold on to Darren like her anchor. In her opinion, that was the best she could do.

Since Xiu had spent her night tossing and turning because of these memories, she had prominent dark circles under her eyes. It was the third night, she couldn't sleep well. First, it happened when Darren proposed and she was so excited that she could hardly sleep. Then on their supposed, 'wedding night' Darren didn't let her sleep. And now, she tortured herself with painful memories.

"Sweets, you didn't sleep again?"

Xiu smiled sheepishly as she replied, "I felt some discomfort in my body."

"Why? What's wrong? Should we go to the hospital?"

Shrugging her shoulders, she answered, "How would I know what's wrong? But I don't think it's a big deal though. I plan on going to a spa today. I think having a massage will cure everything."

"If you're going to the spa, why are you baking a cake?"

"I have to stop by somewhere else before that." Taking a moment to think, she added, "In fact, today I have a very busy day. And you might not even find me when you get back home."

"Of course, my wife had always been very diligent."

"That I sure am," replied Xiu proudly. She wasn't lying though, she indeed had plans for the whole day. The first stop was to drop off this cake at a very unusual place and then she planned on going to the spa, later she had to catch up with Dylan as well. A promise was a promise after all. So, she wouldn't forget Dylan at all.

Seeing her pleased even though she looked tired as well, Darren kissed the top of her head and said, "You better take care of yourself first. There is no need to do stuff that you don't want to. Don't push yourself."

"I won't," promised Xiu as she kissed his cheek and saw him off at the door.

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