Chapter 428 97.6 - Breaking Down
As I walked away from Irina, the night air felt cooler against my skin, a stark contrast to the warmth of her touch.
The moon hung high in the sky, casting a silvery glow over the academy grounds. Each step I took felt like a start of a different road.
I couldn't help but replay the moments in my mind—the anger, the anguish, and then the unexpected tenderness.
Irina's words had cut through my defenses, forcing me to confront the emotions I had buried for so long. Her determination, her fiery spirit, had reached a part of me I had thought was long dead.
'You are a coward. A coward who is afraid of making any connections just because he is afraid to lose someone once again.'
Her accusation echoed in my mind, each word a painful truth I had been avoiding. She was right. I had been running away, hiding behind my walls of detachment and cold logic.
And somehow, I found myself giving up the defenses.
'Ironic, isn't it? Thinking that she was just a bratty girl and then getting life lessons from someone like her.' I felt like laughing at myself. For the first time, I had allowed someone to break through those walls to see the person I truly was.
I stopped walking, looking up at the moon. The calm, serene light seemed to offer some solace, a reminder that the world was vast and full of possibilities. Garrett's words came back to me, blending with Irina's challenge.
'You don't have to carry the world on your own. There are people who can help you.'
Though it felt like a lot more time needed to pass for me to completely open up everything, taking this step was at least a start, wasn't it?
'I wonder how you would react if you were here?'
I thought, looking at my neck. At that time, when I was talking with Irina, I felt like something here had shone. freewebnøvel.coɱ
'This necklace. It is not simple, is it?'
I had never considered it before since I hadn't had any reason to. But, maybe, the fact that somehow, a part of myself was trapped here and was forced to watch everything.
It may not be a simple necklace, after all. But, well. There was nothing I could do to confirm it since I had already tried doing things like injecting mana into it.
I took a deep breath, feeling the weight of my past lighten just a little. It wouldn't be easy, and there were still many battles to fight, both within and without. But tonight, under the moonlight, I felt a small spark of determination.
'Maybe, maybe. Living may not be that bad.'
With a final glance at the moon, I raised my hand.
'Right, Estelle? You will be watching, won't you?'
And that night.
I slept without having a nightmare for the first time in a while.
**********
Irina lay in her bed, the soft glow of the moon casting faint shadows across her room. She pulled the covers up to her chin, trying to settle into the familiar comfort of her bed. But no matter how she shifted or turned, sleep refused to come.
Her mind was racing, replaying the events of the evening over and over again. The kiss, the way Astron's lips had felt against hers, the intensity of his gaze, and the whispered words that sent shivers down her spine. Her heart fluttered at the memory, and she felt her cheeks heat up once more.
'Ugh, why can't I stop thinking about it?' she thought, burying her face in her pillow in an attempt to hide her blush from herself. She could still feel the warmth of his hand on her waist, the way he had pulled her close, and the look in his eyes that had left her breathless.
'This is so embarrassing,' she groaned inwardly. But despite her embarrassment, an undeniable feeling of joy bubbled up inside her.
'Why did I say all those things? Ugh, so cringy,' she thought, wincing at the memory. 'I can't believe I called him a coward and then kissed him. What was I thinking?'
She rolled onto her back, staring up at the ceiling as if it could offer her some answers. The words she had spoken played over in her mind, each one making her cringe more than the last.
"And what an irony it is that I fell for such a cowardly bastard." She covered her face with her hands, groaning. "Why did I say that? He must think I'm ridiculous."
Her heart continued to flutter despite her attempts to calm it down. She remembered the way he had responded to her, the way his eyes had softened, and the way he had kissed her back with such intensity.
"Does he really think this is what Estelle would want him to do?" She cringed again, her face burning with embarrassment. "Why did I bring up Estelle like that? I just sounded so dramatic."
Despite her self-criticism, she couldn't deny the happiness that lingered from their kiss. The way he had held her, the feel of his lips against hers—it was something she had dreamed about but never thought would actually happen.
'I probably looked like an idiot,' she thought, but then a small smile crept onto her face. 'But he kissed me back. He actually kissed me back.'
She sighed, rolling over onto her side and clutching her pillow to her chest. Her mind refused to quiet, replaying every moment of their evening together.
"I'm so stupid," she mumbled into her pillow, but the joy in her heart wouldn't be silenced. "But at least he knows how I feel now."
Her thoughts drifted back to the look in his eyes, the rare smile that had graced his lips.
She couldn't help but smile, remembering the slight blush on Astron's cheeks and the way he had teased her. It was a side of him she hadn't seen before, and she found herself wanting more of it.
'What have you done to me, Astron?' she wondered, her thoughts swirling. She reached out a hand, letting it hover in the air as if she could still feel his presence. 'I can't believe this happened. I can't believe we kissed.'
She sighed, rolling over again, her mind unable to settle. Despite the whirlwind of emotions, she felt a sense of contentment.
And then she suddenly got a question to ask.
'What are we now?'
A question that needed to be asked. After all, they had kissed, and the moment was a pretty intimate one too.
When she had revealed her feelings to him, a part of her was already anticipating the rejection from the start. Since this was how he had always acted, she could already see herself getting a cold shoulder and him leaving.
But at the same time, she wanted to take the shot.
The reason for that was clear. It was because she had faith in him. In those visions that she had seen when he was a young child before everything happened.
He was someone who smiled, albeit a bit rarely. He was someone who always acted well, trying never to hurt anyone.
He was someone who had a heart.
Thus, she believed in him before everything happened; maybe if she were to somehow get past the walls he had built around himself and reveal the real him that he was hiding.
If she were to do that.
Maybe, but maybe, she could see be with him. And she bet on this, and her attempt was successful.
No, not just successful. It was the best decision that she had made in her entire life. The decision was so good that she leaped through many steps and somehow reached a satisfying place.
But then, another question was raised.
So, what would happen to them from now on?
She pondered this question for a while, but no clear answer emerged. They had crossed a line, but where did that leave them? What was their relationship now? Were they just friends who had shared an intimate moment, or was it something more?
Irina tossed and turned, unable to find a comfortable position as her thoughts swirled. Eventually, she sat up and reached for her phone.
What was the best place for such questions when someone felt lost? Where could she learn more about the world?
"If there's one place that might have answers."
"It's the internet," she muttered to herself. She opened her browser and navigated to a forum where girls talked about their experiences. It was a place where she had often found advice and shared stories that resonated with her own experiences.
As she scrolled through the posts, her face turned red at some of the things she read. Girls discuss their first kisses, their relationships, the excitement, and the confusion. It was all there, laid bare for her to see.
The number of things that were written there was too unhinged for her own good.
One post caught her eye:
We did it our first time. What should I do now? -------------------
After waiting for the whole year, I finally confessed to my crush after getting him drunk. And it was so nice seeing him not refusing my advances.
At first, I was going to confess to him on the spot. But then, I saw him rejecting a girl, and it was so brutal….That was the moment all the courage I found was shattered.
But then a friend of mine said that guys become beasts when they are drunk. And apparently, it was true. The night was so good that I even felt my stomach fluttering about it when I imagined it.
However, now I feel lost. Since we did it our first time together and speaking, that means we are together, right? Some of my friends said it was better to put a name to it before thinking about everything on my own, but I couldn't find the answer.
--------------------
Irina's eyes widened as she read the post. She couldn't register everything at once and scrolled down to see the comments. Some comments called the poster out for her actions, but many of them actually supported her, saying she did a good thing by finding her courage and taking the first step.
One of the first comments she read was harshly critical:
Comment 1: "What you did was incredibly wrong. You took advantage of him while he was drunk. That's not finding courage; that's manipulation."
Another comment expressed similar sentiments:
Comment 2: "You should have talked to him when he was sober. What you did could be considered assault. This is not okay."
However, many of the other comments were supportive:
Comment 3: "I'm glad you found the courage to make a move. Sometimes, we need a little push to take the first step. As long as you care for him and are honest going forward, it should be fine."
Comment 4: "Good for you! It can be so hard to confess your feelings. Now you just need to talk to him and make sure you're both on the same page."
Comment 5: "Don't listen to the haters. You did what you needed to do to get his attention. Now, just be honest with him, and things will work out."
Irina, however, found it creepy that the girl had made her crush drunk and taken advantage of him in such a state. "There are people in the world who do something devious like this to the person they like?" she thought, feeling a mix of disgust and confusion.
Yet she didn't know about the comment she was about to read.
Comment 6: "To be honest, I did something similar to you. I found out my husband's mothers about from social media and then learned that she was attending a club. After that, I became a member of the same club and then got closer to her friend group. I eventually learned about what kind of girl her mother wanted and then somehow hinted that I was looking for a boyfriend. At that time, her mother said that her son had a girlfriend. Of course, I already knew that he had a girlfriend, but I was fine with that. I just sent some flowers to his home when he was with his girlfriend, along with some pictures that I had photoshopped. Eventually, it drove a wedge between him and his girlfriend, and they broke up. When he was feeling down, I approached him, offering him a shoulder to cry on. With his mother's favoritism working in my favor, I slowly became closer to him. It wasn't long before he started seeing me as someone he could rely on. We began dating shortly after, and now, he's my husband. Sometimes, you have to play a long game to get what you want. Persistence pays off."
Irina's jaw dropped as she read the comment. "This is insane," she thought, her heart pounding. The idea of manipulating someone's life so thoroughly just to get close to them felt wrong on so many levels.
"These people… they're willing to go to such lengths to get what they want. It's scary."
But at that moment, she remembered about a certain someone.
A certain someone that she witnessed drinking Astron's blood. She remembered the expression she made when she was close to him. That expression and the look in her eyes. It bothered her so much.
'That is right. Senior Maya's eyes…..I am pretty sure. She is the same as me.'
That look.
It was oddly similar to the one that she had seen from the reflection of his eyes.
'I won't hand him to anyone. Not after when I got this close to him.'
She was determined.
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