In a way, Harry thought he had more say in the matter.
He rubbed his forehead hard, a thousand bees seemed to be buzzing in his head as he repeatedly recalled the instances when his scars hurt. It is true that it was only more intense when Voldemort appeared, with a few exceptions – when Voldemort had violent mood swings – but since he started to grasp Occlumency, this had happened much less often.
But he really isn’t the same anymore. The voice in his head can testify.
Harry swallowed, grabbed his wand, and tiptoed out of bed. There are two places to practice magic in the Black’s Old Mansion, and Harry chose to go downstairs because the third floor housed the Weasleys, the Longbottoms, Fred & George, and Neville. Sirius lived on the fourth floor, and he always had a good ear.
The night was terribly silent, the darkness all around him, but he didn’t dare to turn on the magic lamp, he could only feel his way through the darkness by memory, stepping carefully on the floor, every pinprick of noise made him tremble, Harry couldn’t help but be glad he didn’t wear shoes.
He soon felt the handrail of the stairs downward, and his movements became lighter as he approached the first floor – the floor that housed Hermione and Ginny. “Thud!” Harry stepped in the air, he missed a step, and almost fell, his heart pounded, as he held his breath, listening carefully to the surrounding movement.
Harry not only worried that he had woken Hermione and Ginny, but also worried about waking up the portrait of Mrs. Black hanging on the wall of the ground floor hall – she is Sirius’s mother, filled with all kinds of rotten, old-fashioned ideas, unfortunately, this idea is passed on to her portrait. Because too many people had recently moved in, she is obviously very loathsome and will use the most vicious language to swear at every opportunity, and if she woke up, she will never miss the opportunity to wake everyone from their dreams.
Harry waited quietly for more than ten seconds, without hearing any movement, and breathed a sigh of relief.
The rest of the journey went without a hitch. He carefully avoided the decorative crumpled gargoyle head on the ground floor and did not touch the umbrella stand made of broken legs of gargoyles, and successfully found a sliding door. He slid open the door and a long straight downward staircase appeared.
Harry came to the basement level, in front of him is an open space, the six sides of the room are made of black stone blocks. Professor Hap had said that this might be Black’s abandoned spell testing room, but he, Ron, and Hermione had only seen the debris piled up in the corner when they came before, together with a thick layer of dust and cobwebs.
It took them half a day to clean up the place. When the magic on it started working again, they had a decent training room.
There is strong sound insulation, Harry did not want others to hear what he was about to do, he flipped the switch, and the lamp on the wall lit up. In the center of the spacious basement, there are seven or eight randomly placed ragged targets, with various traces of magic left on them – all the results of their efforts these days.
He sat on a soft cushion with a hesitant expression.
“I’m just trying.” Harry said to himself. He stood up and raised his wand, but several times he couldn’t make up his mind, finally, he gritted his teeth –
“Avada Kedavra!”
A dazzling green light flew from the tip of his wand, and the spell missed, hitting the black stone wall. Harry gasped, all sorts of destruction and killing pleasure flashed through his mind, the buzz of excitement filled his head, constantly seducing him, drumming his eardrums. But soon the Occlumency worked on its own, and he broke out of this state, and began to hate himself for what he had done, as a strong feeling of disgust for the adventure he had taken tonight made him dry heave incessantly.
Perhaps the best thing he could do now would be meekly go back and pretend like nothing had happened.
That is when he heard a suppressed scream.
Harry jerked his head up and looked in the direction of the entrance – it had been opened at some point, or maybe he hadn’t closed the door earlier, and he didn’t have time to think about which one it was, because right now he needed to deal with a more difficult problem.
“Ginny!?” Harry shouted with his mouth wide open.
Ginny is standing in the doorway in a nightgown, her mouth covered, and her eyes filled with disbelief as if she is terrified. When Harry called out her name, Ginny subconsciously took a step back.
She saw it! Saw me using the Killing Curse! Harry’s mind shouted frantically. The voices in his head began to bewitch him again, but he would never agree.
Harry reached out his hand to explain but stopped when he saw the watery look and fear in Ginny’s eyes.
He, Harry Potter, had just used the Unforgivable Curse.
Harry ducked his head and dared not look at her, a strong feeling of shame welling up in him, his stomach turning over, and he wanted to dry heave again. What would Ginny think of him? A potential dark wizard? Or a second Voldemort? He had been plagued by such rumours in his second year when some even believed him to be a more evil fiend than Voldemort, which was why Voldemort had thought to get rid of him when he was a baby.
But once Harry knew he had his mother’s protection in his blood, he completely lost all worry about that.
But now that worry has returned.
He had recited one of the worst Unforgivable Curses without any prior knowledge, and that curse was not much less powerful than his Disarming Charm, which was somewhat quite frightening.
He heard the sound of footsteps.
Did she run away? Harry thought it should be, Ginny had surprised him enough by not waking the others, maybe he should explain a few things, or at least not let her reveal this, but he couldn’t think of a reason to do so. A bigger concern arose, if Ginny told the others, what would they think of him?
His mind flashed through the names, Ron, Hermione, Sirius, Fred, George, Mrs. Weasley … His heart began to ache at the thought that Mrs. Weasley would no longer look at him with loving eyes.
Harry saw a pair of shoes.
He looked up in shock and met a pair of brown eyes, the lines around Ginny’s lips pursed tightly.
“Do you want revenge … that badly?” She asked sadly.
“It was an accident!” Harry blurted out, and Ginny looked at him in surprise. “I mean, of course, I want to defeat Voldemort, but not in this way, not through – er – the Killing Curse.”
Ginny watched Harry’s face carefully, and after a few moments in which she seemed to have confirmed that he was telling the truth, she tossed her fiery red hair and questioned nonchalantly, “Then what the hell happened?”
“I-” Harry opened his mouth, feeling an overwhelming headache, but from the look on Ginny’s face, she’s hell-bent on getting an answer tonight.
“Okay.” He compromised, moving towards the cushion and sitting on it with his bum. Ginny sat close to him. “I-t started-d after the award ceremony when me, Ron, Hermione, and Professor Hap were taken to the Minister’s office …”
Ginny listened quietly, not opening her mouth to interrupt.
Harry stuttered a little at first, but then became fluent. He talked about his ‘sighting’ of Voldemort in the lobby of the Ministry of Magic, about the conversation he had heard between Dumbledore and Ms. Bones with Hermione’s help, and the special feeling he had when he got up from bed tonight, the buzzing in his head, the pleasure from reciting the Killing Curse for the first time… …and even his various fears spilled out.
“Headmaster Dumbledore has a point, you have a connection with the You-Know-Who, and it is this connection that makes you more susceptible to his influence.” Ginny said in a soft tone.
“I always knew that, I just didn’t think it would be this strong,” Harry said sullenly, but he is somehow in a much better mood now. “If it’s not because I was born evil, then there’s only one possibility – Voldemort passed his knowledge and experience on to me. I don’t know if he did it intentionally or unintentionally, but I’m now under the influence-”
“What makes you say that?” Ginny said pointedly, “You’re nothing like him – you think so too, don’t you?” She looked at Harry for confirmation.
Harry’s mouth suddenly went dry, Ginny’s face had a special glow in the wavering firelight, and an impulse came over him, so he blurted out, “Of course, I’m not like him! I would never use this curse on anyone, that’s what Voldemort does.”
Once the words were out, Harry’s tense heart relaxed, as if a thousand pounds of weight had been lifted. The murmur that had been buzzing in his head disappeared.
Ginny caught Harry’s determination, she ran her hand through her hair and smiled cheerfully.
“So, what are you worried about?” She pulled Harry up from the cushion, “The most important thing you need to do right now is getting a good night’s sleep.” Her face came close, and she planted a soft kiss on the corner of Harry’s mouth. “In my heart, you’ll always be the hero who defeated the Dark Lord.”
Then she slipped away like a crafty cat with a light step.
Harry froze in place, like enchanted by special magic, his entire body was petrified.
————
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