Dungeon Defense (WN)

1. Route no.07: Straight to universal unification

The Third Imperial Princess of the Habsburg Empire, Elizabeth von Habsburg, was sitting in her office. A disturbance had happened in the palace recently and it was giving the Imperial Princess a severe headache. The disturbance was about a commoner who had suddenly fallen into the lake inside the palace walls.

The fact that a mere commoner got through the impeccable security around the palace was a shock to all of the residents of the palace. Adding to this, there was a chance that this incident would have a political impact on Imperial Princess Elizabeth since she had influence over the palace’s royal guards.

What could she do? While Elizabeth was in the middle of thinking about this, the prison warden she had bought beforehand came to inform her something. He came to tell her that the commoner who fell in the lake was wailing and begging to be allowed to meet her. With the hope that she might be able to use the person, Imperial Princess Elizabeth secretly visited the prison.

The lanky-looking young man rattled off rapidly as soon as he saw Elizabeth.

“It is an honor to meet the glory of Habsburg. I will cut to the chase and inform Your Highness that this humble one is aware of your desire to resurrect the empire and I will spare no expense in order to fully devote my loyalty and cooperation to your cause. First, Rudolf von Habsburg has sex slaves of royal birth in the 2nd-floor basement of his mansion. Winning the succession of the throne will become a simple task if you reveal this. Additionally, the Revello Company that you and Imperial Prince Ferdinand von Habsburg are contracted to is actually an anti-imperialist group that is being supported by the Kingdom of Brittany. If you scour every last corner of their building, then you should be able to punish them for treason. Adding to this, in regard to Count Decebrit who is in charge of the capital’s defense force, his two adjutants are constantly at the ready to stab their superior in the back. This is because Count Decebrit laid with both of their wives. You look troubled. Of course, it must be hard to believe all of this, but please believe me. This humble one knows that Your Highness had dealt with your little brother Imperial Prince Robert under the cherry crush in the forest behind the castle when you were 10 years old…… Your Highness? Are you okay, Your Highness? Your face is deathly pale. In any case, I’m not sure if the First Imperial Princess and the Second Imperial Princess are alive at this point, but this is the perfect opportunity. There is a young lady named Laura in House Farnese of Sardinia and you must recruit her at all costs. Please use the ‘Shadow’ under your command to quickly…… One moment. Your Highness. Please do not pass out. If we combine our strength, then uniting the continent will be like taking candy from a━.”

2. Route no.12: Your pattern is ‘Strong Weak Weak Strong Strong Strong Weak Strong Medium Weak’.

Great Demon Lord Baal was shocked. The human in front of him had wiped out every unit in his Demon Lord Castle, wasn’t caught by a single trap, and managed to defeat him ‘singlehandedly’ all within 11 hours. Adding to this, the human was a ‘little girl’ and, going further, she didn’t look to be older than fifteen years old!

Baal barely managed to open his mouth with a holy sword piercing through his heart.

“How……were you able to obtain such power with the body of a human?”

“Great Demon Lord Baal. Rank 1. A unique Scarlet Dragon spell is activated when attacked physically and a unique Azure Dragon spell is activated when attacked by magic. However, if attacked by a large number of familiars all at once, there is a pattern where he removes the anti-magic spell on his mantle, so, when this is considered, attacking after changing to a magic swordsman is the most effective.”

“W-What nonsense are you saying……?”

The girl had a cruel smile on her face that didn’t fit her age.

“I saw eighty-nine bad ends because of you, you bastard.”

3. Route no.28: To the destruction of the world since it happens to be on

VenusPanties was filled with rage once she lost the keyboard battle. No one could stop her after she got worked up, so VenusPanties got on Reincarnation Truck no.2 and hit that annoying bastard with it.

However, she made a big mistake here. She should have written ’72’ when deciding which Demon Lord he was going to possess, but she ended up hitting ‘2’ twice and it became ‘722’. When VenusPanties looked back on it later, she gave an excuse like “I drank soju last night…….”, but the situation had already gotten out of control by that point.

There was an error in the system since there was no Rank 722 Demon Lord, and the rank was randomized since the assigned number didn’t exist. Due to the malicous, opportunistic development, and Noblesse-like cliche that filled the world, he ended up possessing Rank 1 Baal of all people. Thus, the strongest Demon Lord roared with laughter. The possessed Baal was the greatest among Demon Lords because he was super duper powerful. He won against gods and demons. He won against everyone. The possessed Baal reigned supreme in the world. In any case, a dog barked. The world came to an end.

4. Route no.29: There’s no way my Korea is a Jusin Empire!

VenusPanties made a big mistake here.

There was an error in the system since there was no Rank 722 Demon Lord. As a result, due to the malicious, opportunistic development, and Noblesse-like cliche that filled the world, he ended up reincarnating in the Joseon Peninsula of the sixteenth century.

The original owner of the body was Prince Haseong. The boy who was going to become the Seonjo of Joseon in the future.

5. Route no.50: If Cleopatra’s nose were a little flatter…….

Due to some Noblesse-like cliche, Dantalian became a very handsome man.

His scrawny figure was gone and was replaced by an attractive body with decent muscles. His handsomeness was at the level where even the prince of a romance novel would fall for him, where Liu Bei and Cao Cao would fight over him if he reincarnated in a genderswapped version of Romance of the Three Kingdoms, and where he would go around sweeping tens of thousands of beautiful women off their feet if he were reincarnated in a harem novel.

When Dantalian killed Andromalius and stood at the hearing, Paimon, who was going to question him at first, could do nothing but open and close her mouth.

‘Y-You are so handsome!’

A marble statue made by the Gods was standing there. Barbatos, who was sipping her wine, dropped her glass, and the lovely expression that Gamigin had maintained for hundreds of years broke. The hearts of all the female Demon Lords present pounded heavily.

The issue was the fact that there weren’t only female Demon Lords attending the hearing. Even the male Demon Lords ended up falling for Dantalian. A war almost started within the Demon Lord army because of Dantalian, but it ended in a temporary armistice because of Dantalian’s earnest request. However, this was nothing more than the prelude to tragedy.

“All of history until now has been the history of class strife!”

At Bruno Plains, Dantalian shouted as hundreds of thousands of humans and hundreds of thousands of demons were watching him. He was saying something historical, but his words didn’t enter the ears of either the humans or the demons.

‘S-So handsome!’

‘It’s almost like the God of Beauty has descended upon us!’

‘His beauty is making me dizzy!’

Thus, Imperial Princess Elizabeth, Queen Henrietta, and many other rulers joined in the struggle for Dantalian. Dantalian desperately tried to stop the war, but it was to no avail. The rulers of both the demon world and the human world joined in regardless of their gender as a genuine world war filled with shock and fear was carried out. A chaotic era unfolded just as Dantalian wanted.

Surprisingly, the final victor was Sitri.

6. Route no.99: If the constitutions of Demon Lords were a bit different…….

“Then let us begin the hearing.”

Marbas spoke gravely.

Marbas would always mediate disputes and was proud of his role, but he wanted to avoid hosting today’s hearing if possible. Regardless, the other Demon Lords whined that there was no one else who could take the mediating role other than Marbas. To be honest, no one attempted to step forward, so Marbas had to.

“Defendant Dantalian.”

“Yes.”

Dantalian nodded in a dignified manner.

“Is the defendant aware that this is the time when the Crescent Alliance should be making our way onto the continent?”

“I am aware.”

“Therefore, you admit that losing even a single Demon Lord in this situation would be a severe loss for our forces?”

“I am aware of that as well.”

Marbas slammed down on the table.

“Then why did you impregnate a bunch of Demon Lords at once!?”

Barbatos, Agares, Paimon, Gamigin, Sitri, and 7 other female Demon Lords were seated in a line on the witness stand. They were all stroking their stomachs lovingly, all of which were bloated.

“This is slander. In none of these cases did I deliberately try to impregnate them.”

Dantalian maintained his dignified look as he spoke.

Marbas grit his teeth as he flipped a page.

“According to the witnesses, within the span of a single month, you did it 11 times with Barbatos, 7 times with Gamigin, 7 times with Paimon, 3 times with Sitri, and at least 2 times with the other female Demon Lords. Putting this all together, you had intercourse 67 times within the span of 30 days!”

Referentially, this was only when you limited it to the female Demon Lords. The number would increase threefold if you included the normal demons and humans.

The very fact that Marbas had to read documents with these sorts of fact relevance was terrible.

“To make matters worse, you did this for no less than 6 months straight. Do you intend to say that you did not deliberately impregnate them despite this? Let us hear your excuse, Mr. Advisor.”

Dantalian’s expression didn’t change.

“As you know, the chance of getting pregnant is rather low and a group of people getting pregnant at the same time is considered bizarre. Despite this, it happened.”

“It is because you did it day in and day out that they inevitably got pregnant!”

Marbas shouted.

Horrendously, the female Demon Lords all requested a ‘maternity leave’ at the same time. If this were allowed to happen, then the Crescent Alliance would pitifully lose half of its forces in one fell swoop. If they lose in the war afterward, then the historians will summarize the Crescent Alliance’s defeat with the single word ‘pregnant’. This was a literal nightmare.

“You are like a rutting dog. You could have held back for a bit during the war, but you did no such thing!”

“Are you perhaps telling me to hold back my libido? Pardon me, Marbas. I do not understand what you mean by that……. How could someone restrain their libido?”

“Barbatos has the body of a 12-year-old! Damn it! How is she supposed to give birth!?”

“The child will also be happy since their mother will always maintain her youth.”

Dantalian responded calmly as if he genuinely believed what he had said. Marbas then came to a realization. This guy is hopeless.

Bang!

An envoy burst through the door panting heavily. Marbas scowled and shouted.

“You! How dare you make such a racket in this place!”

“I-I apologize, Your Excellency Commander. However, a significant issue has occurred that must be reported urgently…… His Highness Baal has gotten pregnant!”

What?

“I will say it again. His Highness Baal has gotten pregnant, so he declared that he would take maternity leave.”

Whaaaaat?

“W-What are you saying. Baal is a man…….”

“He hid his gender until now, but he was actually a woman. He had been using an appearance-altering spell. Your Excellency, the 7th legion is in utter disarray. The news is spreading and causing the other legions to panic. According to His Highness Baal, he says the child’s father is His Highness Dantalian…….”

“…….”

Starting from Marbas, all of the Demon Lords opened their mouths in shock.

While receiving all these looks of shock and fear, Dantalian quietly muttered to himself as if he didn’t understand the situation.

“That’s weird. We only did it ‘once’…….”

***

Author’s Afterword

Among all of the Harry Potter fan-fictions, there’s a story called <Harry Potter and the Way to Sensible Thinking>. It’s a masterpiece. There’s a side story labeled an <Omake> and I had so much fun reading it that I wanted to try writing something like it as well.

There’s a single problem here, though.

Was Baal really a female or not?

But since Baal has already died in the main story, there’s no way to confirm either/or, so this problem will forever remain as a mystery as ‘Schrodinger’s Baal’ for all the scholars in the world…….

TL Note: Thanks for reading the chapter. I hope you guys enjoyed this joke chapter. Is it canon? Who knows? Maybe everyone in this series is female except for Dant? What a mystery!

In any case, I may or may not have slower uploads soon. Sort of depends if I get this new job. I’m not really sure yet. I’m optimistic, but who knows if they’ll hire me or not.

I’ll see you guys in the next chapter.

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