Dungeon Defense (WN)

“Oh? That is presumptuous of you. May I ask what about us made you think that?”

“You learn a thing or two if you roll around at the bottom for 5 to 10 years.”

The adventurer tapped his forehead.

He was a bald man who looked to be in his 30s. There was a long scar near his right eye and he seemed to be wearing an eye patch because of it. His skin was pleasantly tanned. He was both bald and had only one eye. He gave off quite the delinquent energy.

“You get an eye for these sorts of things. I can tell who’s just glitter on the outside and who’s a diamond in the rough. You see those guys with loud voices over at the reception desk?”

The bald man pointed at the crowd.

“They’re the type of rookies to come running out shortly after entering the Demon Lord castle. They’re the youngest sons of their families who ran away from home after gaining some confidence from killing a few goblins. It’s obvious.”

“You seem quite confident about this.”

“I used to be like them as well.”

The bald man grinned. It wasn’t an ill-mannered smile. It was an incredibly wise smile that intellectuals would show when acknowledging others.

His expression soon changed. His muscular body gave off a wild vibe and his one eye made him look like a pirate captain or an outlaw. A type of gentleness enveloped these things. It might seem like a silly description, but the bald man was like a gentlemanly vagrant.

“Rookies like them mostly die during their first actual fight. Let’s see. About 30% of them will die and another 30% will get scared and run from their first fight.”

He raised up four fingers.

“40%. Do you understand? Only 40% of those rookies will manage to remain in this field of work. Their lives are very simple. They’ll either end up as corpses on the cold floor of the Demon Lord castle or they’ll die from some sexually transmitted disease after spending a night with a prostitute.”

I gave him an interested look.

“Hm, is there no instance where they survive?”

“It’s better to think that they don’t. If they’re super lucky, then maybe they’ll be able to live to their 50s. But what then? Do you think mayflies like us have any savings? We don’t prepare for old age.”

The bald man spoke up to a female worker who happened to be passing our table.

“Miss, 3 beers here.”

“Just 3 beers? Coming right up.”

The employee seemed annoyed as she grumbled and held her hand out. The bald man gave her about 6 bronze coins.

‘Hmm.’

I mentally gave a high grade to the adventurer before me. The bald man had expertly bought Jeremi and I some beer. He showed us not only with his words but with his action as well that he wanted to accomplish something with us.

People like him were either noble spirits or scam artists. There would only be an issue if he turned out to be a scammer and not a noble spirit. A gentlemanly smile was a trick that scammers often used. I wonder which category this guy belongs to…….

“You two probably know this as well, but adventurers can die at any moment. We’re mayflies. Our heads might bid our bodies farewell tomorrow. Think about it. What will happen to the money you deposited in the guild’s warehouse after you die?”

The bald man spread his arms out and shrugged.

“It’ll all vanish into thin air. The guild executives will probably give a toast and have a big meal on that same night……. The funds you had saved up so you could live a good life once you’re older simply end up in the pockets of someone else. At that point, it’d probably be wiser to shout que sera, sera.”

He was right.

Women aren’t going to marry adventurers whose lives are light years away from being stable. They have no families either. Thus, the only love adventurers receive is from the dandelions on the side of the road……. In other words, prostitutes.

They live luxurious lives for a few days after they’re able to make a lot of money from a dungeon. They pour all their money out at luxurious brothels and enjoy expensive food and wine. The cherry on top would be if they gambled as well.

Prostitutes, alcohol, and gambling. If these three things are combined, then your money will evaporate in an instant. The adventurers will then return to their usual, dreary lives afterward, making it seem like the luxury they had experienced was nothing but a dream.

They will starve because they are no longer able to afford even a hard loaf of bread. They get stared at by the city people as they fill their stomachs with water from the well. They roam around the front of the guild’s commission board like scoundrels as they count the days until they can experience that luxury again.

Success, luxury, starvation, success again, luxury, starvation…….

“They then die one day. That is what we adventurers are.”

It sometimes happens because they’re unlucky. They could meet their demise because a rock thrown by a goblin happened to hit their head of all places.

Sometimes it happens because the party makes a mistake. The ranger who should’ve been scouting the area might miss an ogre and forces the party to engage in a desperate battle.

Humans are weak. Even if they don’t lower their guards, they can still easily die. In terms of percentages, they don’t have a high chance of dying, but if they go on dozens and hundreds of adventures, then they could hit the jackpot at any moment and win the ultimate prize of death.

A garbage life at the bottom of the barrel. This was probably the best description for adventurers.

It was the same for the hero character in the game <Dungeon Attack>. You would always go to a brothel after you finished a quest. There was an annoying system there where your character had a 0.01% chance of getting syphilis after having sex with a prostitute.

You would basically hit a bad end!

What made this even more malicious was the fact that the syphilis in the game had a latent period. To be precise, signs of the disease would only start showing after a year and a half in the game. So even if you were unlucky enough to hit that 0.01% chance……you only realize you were unlucky after you’ve progressed far into the game. In other words, after a year and a half passes in the game.

It shouldn’t be surprising that most people wouldn’t have a save file that goes back a year and a half.

It was a run ender.

It would only make sense to swear up a storm when this happens. Those fucking dicks who are more dick-like than actual dicks. Those fucking bastards. I had met a bad end twice because of syphilis.

I would’ve rather gotten killed by a Demon Lord. If I did, then I could’ve overcome the situation by using the divine save/load tactic. Where was I supposed to get data from a year and a half ago? Even if I did manage to get a save file that went back that far, I would still have to play the year and a half again. Did those developer bastards smear semen all over their conscience?!

If you had grinded your level heavily during that year and a half, then……it would be the end for you.

I had done that.

I honestly wanted to kill myself.

This horrendous system incurred a lot of resentment. The players complained about it incessantly, but the developers gave a ridiculous response to their complaints.

「The chances of contracting syphilis is normally 0.01%, but that percentage increases depending on whether the player’s level far surpasses the level of the current content they are going through. Please refrain from grinding mindlessly to increase your levels.」

In other words, they were telling us to slowly level up by only doing quests. Those damned bastards!

This naturally terrified the players. Threads would often appear on the forum about how people would lose their game data because they grinded.

In the end, the players had to give up on grinding and progress through the game. This was the reason why <Dungeon Attack>’s difficulty was so high. Was this not a perverse game?

Aah, I’m getting angry just thinking about it!

I’m certain that VenusPanties was the one who added that shitty system. I have no proof, but I’m sure of it. I can say without any reserve that everything bad in the world is that person’s fault.

The bald man seemed to misinterpret my reaction.

“Oh? I see that you are also frustrated with the state we adventurers are in.”

“……Pardon me. I’ve shown you something unsightly. How embarrassing.”

“Nonsense. It is only natural to be more enraged the younger you are.”

The bald man gave an understanding nod.

He gave me a kind look. He most likely thought that he saw my humane side. Well, there was no need for me to correct him, so I left it be.

“Just three beers. Fabian, you should order some wheat beer sometimes.”

The female waitress complained as she served us the beer. The bald man shrugged. That seemed to be his habit.

“I’ll order 300 glasses of wheat beer once I’m back from emptying Dantalian’s Demon Lord Castle.”

“You do know that everyone is saying that right now? Daedalus already made a party and left. Favian, you’re already late.”

“Daedalus is someone who has survived this long through sheer luck.”

The bald man raised his glass and spoke.

“It’s about time for him to kiss the dirt. Do you want to make a bet with me, Fleur? He’s going to have a wedding with the Goddess of the Earth within four days. His skeleton will be so pale that you won’t know who is wearing the bridal gown.”

The female employee laughed.

“You would be more likable if you couldn’t talk! Please don’t listen to this guy too much. He may not be a scam artist, but he’s more malicious than them. He looks fine on the outside, but he’s completely insane. He’s infamous for spending 60 gold in one day last year. Dear Lord, he bought all of the most expensive prostitutes in the red-light district and had the time of his life!”

“It was 80 gold to be exact.”

The bald man nodded.

“That was an amazing night.”

“You really are insane.”

The employee cackled.

“I’m not joking, Fleur. I no longer have any regrets in life ever since that day. And yet, a great commission like this ended up appearing. The Goddesses are most definitely watching over me. I’m thinking about opening a weapon shop after taking this opportunity in my hand.”

“Your dreams are also shrewd. Make bravados like that after ordering some wheat bear, O One-eyed Fabian.”

The waitress gave a curt farewell with her hand as she walked away. Her orange hair bounced with each step.

The bald man turned to face us after she left.

“Great as usual. What do you guys think?”

“What are you referring to?”

“I’m talking about Fleur. Isn’t she quite charming?”

The bald man whispered.

“A majority of the scoundrels that wander the guildhall have a crush on Fleur. She’s the daughter of a Red Rank adventurer and she’s been doing chores like this ever since her father died. Not only is she well-informed about the life of adventurers, but, as you can see, she’s also pretty. And yet.”

The man waved his hand side to side.

“She is so prideful that she doesn’t sleep with anyone more than once no matter how strong they are. You might be able to sleep with her once if you happen to get along with her, but you’ll never get in bed with her twice. She’s quite the special case.”

“Oh? You must have slept with her as well, Mr. Fabian.”

“That was the second greatest night of my life.”

The bald man pushed the remaining glasses of beer toward us. We each received a glass and gave a toast. The beer was lukewarm and tasted bad, but it suited the noisy atmosphere within the guildhall.

“That’s also the reason why I’m planning to join those clowns. 500 to 600 gold is enough to immediately start a new life. I have some connections with the city guards here, so it’s possible for me to create a weapon shop. I should be able to take Fleur as my wife then.”

Gulp gulp, Fabian emptied his glass in one go.

“Kuh. This commission has my dignity as a human and various other happiness on the line. How could I create a flimsy party when all of this is at risk? It’s best to stay calm and pick out the best members the more urgent you are. Skilled adventurers all know this…….”

Fabian looked at me and Jeremi.

“And yet, a male and a female are quietly sitting at a table together. While observing the adventurers in the hall. It’s almost as if they’re trying to discern ‘who’s useful’. And you, Miss. You reek the most.”

“…….”

Jeremi had been smiling brightly ever since Fabian sat down with us.

Fabian raised the corners of his mouth.

“You give off quite the stench of blood. A smell that only people who have escaped from hell several times can emit is coming right from you, Miss. I immediately realized that you guys were probably thinking the same thing as me! You guys weren’t planning to depart until you gathered decent comrades……. Am I wrong?”

I took a sip of my beer before speaking.

“You are correct, Mr. Fabian. We are looking for ‘someone’ necessary to us.”

However, what we were looking for wasn’t a comrade, but appetizing prey.

I smiled quietly.

***

TL Note: Thanks for reading the chapter. This was certainly an interesting chapter. It’s stuff like this that makes me wonder if people would actually play Dungeon Attack if it were a real game. It sounds so unforgiving. Welp, nothing else to say. I’ll see you guys in the next chapter.

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