Data-Driven Daoist

It was a woman riding a shark.

She had flowing blue hair and an eye-patch, and she wore desert pants and a baggy shirt, a sabre tied to her waist.

The shark was huge. Only part of its body could be seen from the hole in the ship’s side. But even that was bigger than the ship. Yu Han figured it was larger than any blue whale on Earth. It had gill slits on both sides that seemed to roar like race-car engines, with grey skin that shone like asphalt under the sun.

And it had a breathing hole at the top.

A whale shark? No, those look different. What the hell—

“When you tried to kill my martial nephew, it was a misunderstanding?” the woman said. Her voice was high-pitched, sonorous like a bird’s. “I’ll tell the Verdant Blade Sect about that same misunderstanding after I have your head, geezer.”

“A jest, fellow Daoist, merely a jest.” The Elder waved his hand. His voice was even, but nine bamboo sticks suddenly appeared around him and rotated like satellites. “This old man was merely testing this talented junior’s improvements. Martial nephew Duan truly is a dragon amongst men!”

“Oh, you know his name?” the lady asked. She stomped the shark creature, and the behemoth wiggled like a cat, then circled the ship like in a movie.

“Who doesn’t know the name of the youngest disciple of the Ninth Elder, the Healing Mist Palace Master of the Stormy Reef Sect?” the old man said. “But considering you’re here, this old man supposes that the Ninth Elder is already the new sect master.”

A jet of water rose from the sea like a vaulting pole. The old man dodged, and the water jet punched a hole through a cumulonimbus in the sky.

Based on a brief visual analysis, Yu Han figured the clouds were at least a few kilometres away. And this lady was shooting water at them like they were BB bullets.

The old man waved his hand and a green orb materialised. It flew towards Duan Xiaolong, who grabbed it.

“A token of my goodwill, martial nephew. I hope you weren’t offended by this old man’s mischief.”

It was a hexagonal crystal. But the shade was different from the ones Duan Xiaolong used as prizes or the one Qiao Jinhai had used. It was deep blue with a golden core.

Duan Xiaolong looked at the lady, who shrugged.

“The blood. It pours from my scars with cascading pain,” Duan Xiaolong said. His voice was flat.

The old man sighed. He waved his hand again, and one more crystal was handed over.

Duan Xiaolong bowed. His spiky hair rustled in the wind, and blood dripped down onto the deck.

Yu Han felt as if some restriction had left his body. He could move, turn his head.

Coins were scattered on the floor, the pouch nowhere to be seen. The other recruits were either kneeling or had fallen over, like him.

Li Yao was a few steps away, clenching one fist with the other, excitement visible in his eyes. Huang Niuniu was no longer in the corridor. Sima Yan was smiling. Wu Di was groaning.

This bastard owes me spirit stones.

“That matter is settled,” the lady said. “Then, fellow Daoist, how shall we settle the matter of that little thief behind you?” She pointed at Qiao Jinhai, who was still tied to the mast. “Imagine my shock when we learned that a Stormy Reef Cultivator was recruiting disciples in the White Lotus Kingdom,” she said, crossing her arms, “when we’d sent no one.”

“Oh, this matter.” The old man laughed as though there was nothing wrong. “Our Verdant Blade Sect and the Stormy Reef Sect are allies in the Traditional path. With the turmoil in your sect, this old man’s colleagues had merely thought it better to help recruit disciples for you. After all, you would lose face if you missed the only time for sect recruitments in the White Lotus Kingdom.”

“Oh, how gracious of you,” the lady spat. The shark-creature gurgled. Yu Han felt the vibration in his bones. “Then I’ll take everyone away now,” she said. “Heard there was a Profound Talent this time. Little Duan, stir the ship. We’re leaving.”

Duan Xiaolong looked at the groaning Wu Di, then at Yu Han. “This martial nephew acknowledges the Elder’s request.”

“This… fellow Daoist. Doesn’t seem right,” the old man said. He floated nearer to the ship.

Another jet of water shot out. This time Yu Han saw where it came from. Tiny droplets would gather near the lady and sink to the ocean. Then the jet would rise.

Magic. Will I be able to do that someday? Despite the pain and the bleak reincarnation, Yu Han couldn’t help but feel excited. Is this what’s got Li Yao so pumped up?

Stolen from its rightful place, this narrative is not meant to be on Amazon; report any sightings.

It was a promise of power. He would go back and rip the skull off the hooded man who killed his family. Jie Tong too. And the head chef. And the city lord.

Sima Yan was having an impromptu council with the other White Lotus nobles while the Martial Eagle nobles kept their heads down, like kids caught being naughty.

“What isn’t right? You just told us you recruited these disciples for us,” the lady said. “Was that a lie?” More water droplets gathered.

The bamboo sticks around the old man changed their orbit direction.

“Of course, for the White Lotus Nobles, we shall give them to you. But historically, Martial Eagle Kingdom nobles have gone to our sect. What use would it be to create useless blood feuds, dividing families?”

“Ahaha!” The lady threw her head back. “What face you have.”

So despite getting so much power, becoming superhuman, human hypocrisy never changes. Yu Han stood and inched closer to Li Yao.

“This isn’t a matter of face, fellow Daoist. Now, what say you?” the old man said. The glow on the bamboo sticks brightened.

“A hundred to a head equal in grade to them. And they get to choose after you pay for all—huh?” The lady looked at Duan Xiaolong and nodded. “Ten thousand for the Profound kid. And a thousand for every Refined.”

“This, fellow Daoist, this—”

“And a hundred thousand for the ship.” The lady stomped again. “Of course, equal in grade.” The shark-creature brushed past the vessel.

They touched, ever so lightly. And the ship groaned as if it would break apart at any moment.

Yu Han leaned against the wall for balance. It was like the world was turning upside down underfoot.

The old man didn’t speak. The light around him intensified, and the bamboo sticks orbited so fast that Yu Han could hear them cutting the wind.

The lady gathered more water droplets. The pressure from before descended again. Yu Han struggled to breathe.

“Fucking insane…” Li Yao muttered. “Crazy gods. Crazy. They’re gonna fight again. Holy landlords…”

Yu Han prayed to Buddha, Jesus, and the Devas. The ship had a gaping hole just from collateral damage. If they fought any closer…

We’re dead.

He gulped.

“I suppose that is fair.” The old man flicked his wrist. A palm-sized meteor flew towards the lady. She waved her hand, and the meteor vanished. Then he flicked a finger at Duan Xiaolong.

The spiky-haired cultivator stood straighter, orifices still bleeding and his face far too pale.

Why isn’t he healing himself with those mist balls? Yu Han filed that information away. Perhaps there were restrictions, like everything in life.

“Martial Eagle,” Duan Xiaolong said. “Those of you who wish to follow us to the Stormy Reef Sect, stay where you are. For those who wish to go to the Verdant Blade Sect, move up to the deck. Be quick.”

A pressure descended again. What was this?

For a few seconds, no one moved. Murmurs rang out.

“It seems everyone wants to stay with us, Elder,” the lady said with a laugh.

The old man harrumphed, and the pressure that had been holding them in place broke.

Slowly, one, then two recruits made their way up the stairwell. Then more followed. Finally, there was a rush, like a Black Friday sale.

Soon, a third of the total recruits were on the deck, while all from the White Lotus Kingdom remained in the mess hall.

Then there was Wu Di.

“E-Elder,” a voice rang out. It was Qiao Jinhai, who had finally awakened. The man shouted while still tied to the mast, “T-There’s a wisp girl. More importantly, Junior Wu Di, the Profound Talent! He’s not here.”

“How can that be? He must choose us. His relatives are—” The old man stopped, then appeared in the mess hall in front of Wu Di’s groaning form.

“T-This… His Primordial Yang.” The old man gasped.

The lady broke out in booming laughter. “The Profoundly talented eunuch chose us, it seems.”

“Trickery,” the old man grumbled, then waved his hand. A vial appeared with shimmering liquid inside, glowing in the colours of the rainbow. Just the projections on the ground created fractal forms of mystical herbs, and the light condensed around the vial in a sphere, as if to block any magical effects from leaking out.

“Damn lavish.” The shark lady grinned, but the smile in her eyes died. She eyed the vial with clear greed. “This is the first time I’m seeing the Verdant Light Healing Elixir being used on a level zero. Are you sure he won’t explode?”

The old man scoffed and uncapped the vial without replying. A shallow roar rang out, accompanied by a chilly wind. The aroma was like mint tea, cool to the nose. Yu Han felt as though the burns on his hands were healing.

The contents of the vial were probably far more effective than the one Huang Niuniu had given him. Maybe Qiao Jinhai had used something like this to heal Huang Niuniu? Just the visual effects were out of this world. It was probably even stronger than Duan Xiaolong’s healing mist ball.

The old man poured the solution onto Wu Di. Spectral light gathered around the boy as the liquid seeped into his flesh. One blink later, the burns had healed as if they were never there.

Wu Di opened his eyes.

“Gah…”

“It’s useless, old man,” the lady said. “Primordial Yang can’t be healed, even with such elixirs.”

“Child,” the old man said. “Your Profound Talent remains unbroken.” He patiently explained the situation to Wu Di. “Who do you choose? Historically, the Martial Eagle Wu family has always gone to the Verdant Blade Sect. We have had star disciples with your surname.”

Wu Di stared at him blankly. He touched his crotch. His whole body trembled, as if someone had stabbed him in the heart.

“Nooooooo!” he roared. Screamed. Cried. At the heavens.

And at Yu Han.

“I’ll kill you! I’ll skin your whole family and fee—”

“Get in line. You’re not the first one.” Yu Han scoffed. He had dropped the dagger, so he took a step away.

“I’ll kill you!” Wu Di cried. He lunged.

The blue monkey chirped, and Wu Di was thrown back.

“I’ll kill you! I’ll kill you!”

The old man looked Yu Han over from head to toe, as did the lady.

“Interesting,” she said.

No. Fuck. No. Don’t find me interesting. Go away! Yu Han didn’t regret crushing the cock’s balls. But would he be able to bear the consequences?

“Child, calm yourself.” The old man patted Wu Di’s shoulder, and the boy clamped up as if electrocuted. Yet his eyes, bloodshot, glared at Yu Han. “Every twenty years, the Grasping Moon Hidden Realm opens, where disciples from the traditional sects in the region fight for heavenly treasures and earthly fortunes. The next time is three years from now. You will have your chance. Now decide. Which sect shall you choose?”

A minute passed. Wu Di’s breath grew more haggard. His fingers dug into his palm, and blood dripped down like a waterfall.

“I’ll kill you,” Wu Di said. He walked up the stairwell’s remains. “Yu Han. You will live in fear. You will see me in your nightmares. Three years. I’ll kill you.”

“Sure thing, cock.” Yu Han said. “Wait… I mean hen.”

“I’ll kill you!”

The blue monkey threw Wu Di to the deck.

“Well, then, that’s settled.” The lady waved her hand. The shark growled, and the ocean rumbled.

The water near the hole in the ship bulged up. One, two, three, seven dome-shaped geysers shot into the sky, with something inside all of them. Strange things were rising from the sea.

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