Beware Of Chicken Alternate Universe: Soaring Heaven's Isle

Lots of people said waking up next to a woman is the best way to wake up.

Those people are fucking liars.

Bailu’s arms were squeezing my chest like a vice. I could feel my ribs protesting her grip, and my chin was sore from where she had been shoving her forehead last night.

Not That Seiyu was any kinder. I had completely lost feeling in my left leg from where she had wrapped her thighs around it, and my robe was soaked from how much she had drooled on my chest.

Big D, my normally erstwhile protector, was nowhere to be seen, and to top it all off? I was still tired as hell, and my head was all foggy from that weird dream.

Really, what kind of dream involves a deer giving you a scroll?

I was exhausted, sore, and definitely grumpy.

Both my arms were locked down tight on account of cultivator girls laying on me, and I shifted uncomfortably.

That, thankfully, woke them both up.

Both of them looked up from their spots on my chest and smiled.

“Good Morning, Young Master!” Bailu said with a dopey smile, her eyes still half lidded.

“Ohayo, Young Master.” Seiyu said slightly after. She touched my chest, and with a flick of her fingers, I was dry again.

“Good Morning. Now geddoff.” I grunted.

Both of them pouted.

“Young Master, kicking us out of your bed after what we did last night?” Bailu said, her eyes going wide and soulful.

“So cruel, Young Master. You performed Dual Cultivation with us, and you don't even remember?” Seiyu said, shaking her head.

“Wha? What are you talking about—?” I questioned, as a cold sweat broke out on my back.

Bailu flushed and put her hands to her cheeks. “Iyaaa, you were so forceful! Are you going to make this maiden say it?”

“Ah, after you took us under your spell so completely, you do not even remember our night of passion?” Seiyu asked, as she wiped a tear away from her eye.

Internally I was screaming. I was tired and sore and I remembered flashes of something, cool Yin Qi—

“I can still feel your lingering touch.” Bailu said, sitting up, and placing a hand on her chest.”It was wonderful!”

Seiyu gave me a gentle smile, as she too sat up. “We went for so long. Such… stamina!”

I was just on the edge of hyperventilating. Did I have some weird Xianxia trance last night and—?!

That was when I noticed the slight mischievous gleam in their eyes.

“And just look. We definitely made some cute children!” Bailu finished, starting to grin, as she pointed over my shoulder.

I looked back, and stared upside down at the saplings sticking out of the ground, my rising panic cutting out. Big D was hopping around them, eating bugs.

“We should dance and sing together more often!” Seiyu said, giggling.

I felt a vein bulge in my forehead, as my neck creaked back into position so I could stare at these two idiots.

I smiled pleasantly at them, sitting up. Both of them went from amused to worried as I felt my Qi start to bubble and churn.

“Bailu. Seiyu.”

“Yes, Young Master?” they both asked, suddenly unsure of their course of action. I placed my hands on their shoulders.

“Go soak your heads in the ocean and cool off.” I ordered… and then pushed.

Both of them sailed off the rock… and off the edge of the island.

“Yes, Young Master~!” they sang back, as they plummeted towards the ocean below, grins on their faces.

Damn asshats had to give me a heart attack right in the mourning.

I groaned and lifted my hand to my head, only to clonk my forehead with something.

I blinked, and looked at the thing that was gripped in my hand.

It was a scroll. The same scroll the deer had given me last night.

I stared blankly at it

Well. Maybe I was dreaming, still, and It wasn’t really there?

The scroll disappeared into motes of green light.

I took in a deep breath, and let it out.

Cultivation is whack, man.

I thought about the scroll, and it returned to my hand.

Well. don’t look a gift horse—or deer— in the mouth, eh? I suppose I should read this.

But after breakfast. I made the scroll disappear again, and got up from my rock, rubbing the blood back into my ribs and leg.

I grumbled, still annoyed.

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Bailu and Seiyu were still smiling as they flew back up to the island, their Qi drying their hair.

Maybe they had gone a bit too far in teasing their Young Master. But the opportunity had been too good to pass up, and he had looked so funny! His face had gone all rubbery, and it looked like he was going to poop himself!

It was almost as good as that time they had pretended to have brought back the wrong artifact for their Senior Sister. Instead of that special Jade pendant , they had put a counterfeit porcelain doll in the padded box, and said they had gotten a good deal. Her face had been the most beautiful thing Bailu had ever seen! And it served her right for constantly being on Seiyu’s ass about her accent.

‘We speak proper Imperial here, barbarian.’ Feh!

Sure, they had spent the next month scraping Skyhook Barnacles off the bottom of the island, but they had had the last laugh. Their ‘Senior Sister’ was still in the Spiritual Realm.

And besides! Their benevolent Young Master would surely forgive them!

They returned to the delicious smell of food, and Bailu was really hoping for a good breakfast. Last night had taken a lot out of her!

“Our heads are cool, Young Master!” Bailu reported cheerfully as she opened the door and strode in.

“It was indeed bracing, and a fine way to start the morning!” Seiyu said, as they sat down together and picked up their chopsticks.

Their Young Master turned, his face stone. He looked them over.

“Your hair is dry. I don’t believe you.”

Both of them froze, as they looked at his face.

At that moment, they saw a bit of Elder Minyan in their Young Master. That glare was something special.

“Ahhahaha—We’ll get right on that Young Master.” Bailu said, grabbing the devastated Seiyu around her waist, her friend still holding her chopsticks and dragging her off.

They went back into the water.

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They came back with their hair soaking wet.

Their Young Master, who was out in the garden, turned to them.

“I think a full body dip would be better.” he replied.

Seiyu's raised chopsticks lowered despondently.

=======================

Their young Master pressed his fingers to their wet foreheads.

“Still hot.” he commented. “Maybe the water here isn’t cold enough.”

Bailu was beginning to think they weren’t getting breakfast.

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Yutong yawned atop his mount, as the sure-footed goat trudged its way up the mountain. He wasn’t looking forward to work. But when the nobles paid through the nose for “fresh mountain spring ice” well, you went and got fresh mountain spring ice.

And this lake was the best and easiest place to get it from. He and his crews crested the ridge, and he hopped off his goat and started to stretch. He was in the middle of getting fully warmed up, when one of his men called for him.

“Hey, boss, you seeing this?” He asked.

“Seeing what? Yutong asked, glancing up at the lake—and then doing a double take.

Because sticking out of the ice were two sets of legs. Very nice, very shapely legs.

“What in the hells?”

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“I think he's mad at us.” Bailu shouted through the water towards Seiyu, bubbles streaming from her mouth. She drummed her fingers on the sheet of ice they had punched through, their legs sticking up in the frigid mountain air.

“You think?” Seiyu shouted back, her arms folded and pouting mightily.

Bailu shrugged. There was no need for Seiyu to be so pissed off. This was way better than barnicle duty!

They waited a few more minutes, and satisfied that her head was cold enough, she pulled herself out of the ice hole.

And came face to face with a bunch of scared looking mortals.

They stared at each other for a moment.

“There are no Spirit Beasts in the water.” she told them confidently, putting on her best “Fairy from Soaring Heaven’s Isle” voice. That normally put mortals at ease!

She turned to get Seiyu to reassure the mortals too, but Seiyu wasn’t there.

There was a sudden pulse, and the thump of Seiyu’s Qi from under the water.

The head of an ice serpent smashed up out of the ice and landed with a thump beside her. Seiyu came out of the hole just after, carrying its body.

“....there are no Spirit Beasts in the water anymore.” Bailu corrected.

The mortals, who had all fallen on their asses, nodded dumbly.

“What are you doing up here, anyway?” she asked them.

“Collecting ice?” he ventured.

Bailu nodded. That was a good idea! They could show their master they went someplace cold!

Bailu ripped up a chunk of ice, and then turned to Seiyu, who was obviously considering whether or not she was going to eat the thing.

Her friend nodded, and stowed it in her storage ring.

Then they set off back home, though Bailu was a little worried that their Young Master was still annoyed about everything.

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To their luck, he wasn’t.

“Sorry for being an ass.” he grumbled at them.

And while they may have missed breakfast… they got lunch.

Truly, they had a most benevolent Young Master!

And he liked the ice, too! He made them something called Ice cream and it was great!

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