A Professor of Magic at Hogwarts

Chapter 261: Lupin's Thoughts

Professor of Defense Against the Dark Arts' Office.

The room was dimly lit, with scarce light filtering through. Remus Lupin sat quietly on the couch, the Wolfsbane Potion continuously suppressing his body, as if some dreadful ethereal creature was sapping away his strength, bit by bit.

The full moon hadn't arrived yet, but he was already utterly exhausted.

"Gurgle~"

The kettle in the corner boiled, releasing bursts of steam as it danced. Lupin lifted himself up, avoiding magic as much as possible around the full moon. After two minutes, he brewed a pot of tea for himself.

He tossed the tea bag into the bin, a white mist hovering above the cup. Lupin's eyes sparkled in the dimness.

"Sirius..."

He had always been reserved in his emotions, rarely displaying his true feelings. But under the double strain of his body and spirit, he found himself sinking into a lingering melancholy. He once again found his thoughts drifting back to that person.

The photo on the wanted poster barely captured his true likeness. Lupin always subconsciously superimposed the young Sirius onto it, making his emotions even more complex and sorrowful.

"Should I reveal Sirius's Animagus form to Dumbledore?"

This question had been tormenting him for a long time, yet he couldn't muster the courage to confess to Dumbledore. He hadn't just betrayed Dumbledore's trust during their student years, leaving the Shrieking Shack and wandering with three others...

Dumbledore's trust meant everything to him. When he was just a child, Dumbledore had walked into his home, convinced his father and mother, and secured his enrollment. In the initial year or two, Dumbledore or Professor Pomfrey accompanied him during his transformations. As he grew, he persuaded Dumbledore to allow him to transform independently during the full moon.

The chains of the Shrieking Shack were exceptionally sturdy; that was one of the reasons he mentioned.

Dumbledore reluctantly agreed, setting rules. Professor Pomfrey would take him to transform, but she wouldn't watch over him all the time. Occasionally, she allowed him to go to the Shrieking Shack alone.

He carefully guarded this secret, even though a couple of perceptive students had discovered it as early as his second year. The number of people who knew he was a werewolf gradually expanded to six: Dumbledore, Professor Pomfrey, Professor McGonagall, James, Peter, and—Sirius.

Once, James had a whimsical idea. He wanted to learn Animagus transformation so that he could accompany the werewolf as an animal, since werewolves posed danger only to humans. Sirius immediately embraced this idea, and for a time, their enthusiasm ran high.

At the time, Lupin hadn't paid much attention. Instead, he was quite "pleased" to provide them with some statistics, informing them how complex Animagus transformation was. He told them how many wizards had tried and failed over the century, and how the names of the successful ones barely filled two lines on paper.

"I absolutely adore your dry humor, Remus," James had said then.

In their fifth year, things took a turn. On the first full moon after returning from the holidays, he locked himself in the Shrieking Shack as usual. He had become very skilled at it, but as the full moon waned and he slowly returned to his human form, he opened his eyes to see two massive creatures:

A large black dog and a stag. In his astonishment, they transformed back into familiar faces, James and Sirius. Grinning widely at him, they said, "We kept it a secret all summer just to see the look on your face."

It was hard to describe his feelings at that moment—joy mixed with sorrow. They had injured themselves quite badly to get across the Whomping Willow, and there was even some reproach—what if he had hurt them? But looking at their smiles, he compromised once again.

Two more months passed, and with the help of James and Sirius, Peter finally succeeded. Their companionship brought a greater sense of calm to his state as a werewolf. He wasn't always irrational anymore. Perhaps it was because both James and Sirius had Animagus forms that could subdue his werewolf side, preventing him from going berserk.

They embarked on adventures. A werewolf and several animals running amok in the night! In hindsight, Lupin still felt puzzled by his youthful recklessness, but at the time, they treated it as a joke, a source of pride...

Yet, he couldn't help but feel guilt—for breaking Dumbledore's safety rules with his own hands. Though he had been uneasy for a long time, he didn't refuse to participate in the next adventure.

In his office, the tea had grown cold.

Lupin deceived himself, thinking, "At the right moment, I will tell Dumbledore everything, including my hypocrisy and cowardice." He told himself that, then self-disgustingly thought, "Oh, forget it, you should have told Dumbledore long ago, during the incident when Sirius attempted to breach the castle."

Subconsciously, however, he repeatedly postponed this decision and, much like an ostrich, naively believed that Sirius had been deterred and wouldn't show up again.

"Perhaps he learned dark magic from Voldemort... But with Dumbledore at Hogwarts, he won't succeed."

Lupin's expression turned to self-loathing. He picked up the cup and gulped down the cold tea.

He thought of Neville and Harry, his attention drawn to them almost involuntarily. His attitude toward Neville was more sympathetic. His parents had been his comrades, and though their interactions had been limited, the Longbottoms were friendly people.

He could see Neville's timidity quite clearly. He hoped Neville could overcome his fear, but Snape's counterattacks seemed to subject the boy to even more reprimands. He wasn't sure if his attempts at comforting had made any difference.

As for Harry, he resembled a nephew... though he concealed such feelings well.

Right, he needed to teach Harry the Patronus Charm. Lupin collected himself. He should find a Boggart. He was quite knowledgeable about these creatures due to the bedtime stories he'd heard as a child. His father was an "authority on non-human paranormal phenomena," well-versed in mischievous poltergeists, Boggarts, and other kinds of spirits.

Even his parents' bond was connected to a wild Boggart...

Suddenly, Lupin thought, Harry would surely inquire about his parents. When that time comes, how much should he reveal? And Sirius, the more he said, the more complicated things became.

"Knock, knock."

The deep knocking interrupted Lupin's thoughts. He opened the door to find Dumbledore standing outside.

"Dumbledore—why are you here?" Lupin asked in surprise.

Dumbledore's tone was grave. "Bad news, Remus. Sirius Black attacked Harry and his friends while they were visiting Hagrid."

"What!" Lupin's eyes widened, his mind reeling. "Harry—Are they alright?"

"Nearly, very nearly. He almost succeeded, Remus," Dumbledore said. "Harry's best friend is currently in the hospital, and no one can guarantee when the next attack will occur."

Lupin leaned against the door frame, seemingly drained of all strength. After a while, he sighed and said, "I will tell you everything I know, Professor Dumbledore, including Black's secrets and my deception towards you... I just hope you can hear the entire story without storming out in anger."

"That is precisely why I've come to see you, Remus," Dumbledore said calmly.

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